One Last
Dance
By Lady
Sanzennine
Author’s
notes: AU concept. Set in a
rather medieval universe where arranged marriages and betrothals are the norm
and unbreakable. This is written from Sephiroth’s
perspective.
The glittering
night, sweetly fluting music and intoxicating scents fill the cool air. But I am
impervious to it all. Nothing matters at the moment except this desolate feeling
of utter emptiness. This raw ache within my very soul that seems to fester and
grow, consuming everything that I am.
Without you.
Now that I’ve known you.
I won’t think
about the day we met. When I first laid my sight upon your eyes – the very image
of nature’s essence. How your auburn mane seemed to shimmer in the morning light
like strands of pure silk. And your voice that haunts me always with the promise
of desires forever unfulfilled. So full of compassion and love, endless and
unwavering.
Aeris…
The Heavens
could tear open with Olympic force and the Gods themselves could demand I cease
this idiocy. And yet, I’d defy an empire, spurn all Heaven, forsake anything and
everything. But…
Ah, the ties
that bind us. I’m helpless as the next to break the chains of responsibility
encasing your delicate throat.
So
here I am, fingers idly toying with the delicate stem of my crystalline wine
glass, sitting off to the darkened sides of the ballroom. Gaiety and laughter
surround my bleak form. As Shinra’s most esteemed general, I am duty bound to
attend all festivities. Duty bound to stand silently as the splinters of my soul
disintegrate further as I torment myself with bitter thoughts of your engagement
to the Duke of Zeshis.
The
glass suddenly shatters under the pressure of my grasp. As it breaks, it makes
an almost musical sound pleasant to the ears. Perhaps a sound as bittersweet and
poignant as the melody of a heart slowly shredded to infinitesimal particles
until all that’s left is dust.
Dust
does not feel pain. Or loneliness.
I
watch impassively as the new cuts gracing my callused hand begin to drip blood.
Life’s blood, heart’s blood. Crimson red rivulets dancing down over rough skin
to stain the crisp white tablecloth beneath. Red – the color of love, of
irrepressible anger, and of blazing passion.
Passion
creates. Passion destroys. Like twirling, shifting flames – all consuming and
deadly, warm and inviting.
Suddenly a
hand reaches to cover my bloodstained one. A female hand that trembles slightly,
though not from fear or nervousness. Delicate, tapered fingers squeeze in
reassurance and then heat follows, wrapping my wounds within a velvet embrace of
security and divinity.
There is no
need to look to see that it’s you. Even without the pleasure of sight I would
know such a healing touch anywhere.
I stand,
needing the slight advantage of my towering height over your slim frame when in
every other aspect you hold power over me. My eyes study your face with fiery
intensity and you look down, unable to meet my gaze for
long.
By the Gods,
you’re beautiful. Helen of
“You should be
more careful,” you say softly. Your voice is as musical and endearing as ever.
I silently
muse over the sad destiny that we are forced to abide by, always chasing most
intently after the one thing we can never possess.
“Should you
not be with your future husband?” I ask. Damn you for all this merciless
taunting. I cannot have you, and yet to put you from my mind is a simple
impossibility. Must you keep appearing to torment me
further?
You look up
then and meet my eyes. I feel my heart give a painful lurch at what I see there.
A shimmering, diamond veil of unshed tears dances across your fascinating summer
green eyes.
I never could
bear your tears.
Without a
second thought I step forward until your body is pressed against mine and gently
fold you into my embrace.
The simple
perfection of the two of us, like this, cleaves my heart further. If only, If
only…
“I’m sorry,”
you whisper, your face buried against my chest. I feel you tremble within the
circle of my arms, struggling to keep the tears at bay. But it’s a losing
battle. “I’m sorry. I wish…Gods, I wish it could be different. Or that I’d never
met you. Never…never…”
I hold my
breath, anticipating your next words.
“Never fallen
in love with you.”
I close my
eyes and for one moment, I let myself just delight in those simple words without
thinking of the obstacles between us. All the while, two words continue to run
through my thoughts. If only…
“But you are
to marry the Duke,” I state. The roiling emotions within me are carefully hidden
and do not reveal themselves in my voice.
“Yes,” you
tell me as your head tilts up to meet my eyes. “But only for duty. Never by
choice.”
I pull your
small form closer, holding you tighter. As if by sheer force of will I can keep
you by my side. I bury my face in your long locks and inhale deeply. The sweet
scent of springtime and nature’s most prized floral creations surround me. A
scent that is purely you. Aeris. My Aeris.
Always.
“Give me one
last dance, Seph,” you breathe.
Our bodies
begin to move to the soft music. Instinctively, harmoniously, perfectly. As if
Heaven itself had ordained this be so. In the dimmed light, by the tables, away
from the crowded dance floor, we’re one matched set.
Light to the
darkness of my life. Warmth to the coldness of my world.
“Gods, I love
you,” I whisper.
Eternity seems
so short now. Like a fleeting, insubstantial moment in the bleakness of life.
Forever could pass like this, holding you like this, and it wouldn’t be enough.
I don’t think
it would ever be enough.
“I won’t let
this be the end,” I say. A lifetime without you? No. That would a brilliant,
personal Hell crafted by my own two hands.
“Our lives our
not our own,” you respond.
You lift your
head from where it has been resting upon my shoulder and turn your face up to
me. We continue moving through our soft waltz as our lips meet, caught in an
ethereal wonderland born from our most sacred dream.
The kiss
blooms like a flower, slowly, patiently, unfurling its lustrous petals to the
summer sun. Our lips, teeth, and tongues mingle and play in this timeless dance
known so well by lovers throughout all eras. A dance so perfect, it would be
enough to make even Heaven’s angels green with envy.
You melt into
me as I fall into you. As if our very souls, the essence of our beings begin to
merge, helplessly caught in this tangled web we call love.
What an
inadequate word: love. To sum up such beauty and eternal devotion in a mere
syllable – four pitiful letters. Powerful, consuming…
But in the
end, fate triumphs over all. She’s a sadistic, unfaithful whore, laughing at the
perils of mortal men. Fate – such a bitter word. Such a bitter
name.
“Run away with
me,” I ask of you after gently closing our kiss. A kiss enough to make even the
strongest and coldest of warriors throw down his sword, having opened his narrow
eyes to an entire new universe of wonder and sensation. “We can start our own
life.”
“You know I
can’t,” you sob, as fresh tears spring to your eyes. At once I feel overwhelming
guilt at having murdered our precious moment with undesired thoughts of a future
never to be.
I bend my head
down slowly and place a kiss upon each of your closed eyelids. The salty taste
of your sorrow stabs at my heart one last time.
“I am bound by
duty,” you say. You step back slightly and place one hand against my chest,
directly over my beating heart. “Just as you are. I will marry the Duke of
Zeshis upon the solstice.”
And then your
lips are upon mine again and you kiss me without restraint. I return it
hungrily, knowing that it will be the last time I’ll ever taste the incomparable
sweetness of your skin or feel the soft warmth of your
embrace.
“But I want
you to know,” you whisper in my ear after pulling away. “That you will always be
the one in my dreams. That I will see you and only you whenever my husband calls
upon me. And that I will always, always love you.”
Then you turn,
easily escaping my arms that are numb with misery. You stride out of the lavish
ballroom, weaving though the crowds and finally disappearing without a glance
back.
Good. It would
have been so much harder if you had looked back.
I sit again at
my solitary table. I stare ahead without seeing anything. My thoughts are turned
inwards.
And so I’m
here, alone in the dim light, remembering the days long past that had so
enraptured my heart. You are an angel, my eternally smiling seraph. A smile that
always held within it a trace of sadness for the pain that you held locked
within yourself, for you didn’t wish to upset anyone else with such
emotions.
You were
always like that, I now realize. Always cheerful and bright, but never truly.
All for others. Never for yourself.
Gods, I’ll
always love you and never any other.
Why is it that
the sweetest, most powerful love of all is forbidden? The heart and the soul
yearn for a lifetime and more for what could never be. Memories and dreams are
the only things left and both are insubstantial. Both are intangible.
So let me just
sit here and pretend that there’s nothing wrong with the world. Let me dream
about a lifetime not bound by the heavy chains of duty that cut into the flesh
and cause blood to run. About a lifetime in which Fate favored we star crossed
lovers. A lifetime without the cold darkness, but instead filled with true
warmth. Let me dream of a lifetime of happiness and…and…of our children that
never came to be this time around.
Let me
dream.
Because
without dreams…
There’s
nothing to live for.
~Lady Sanzennine~