Wouldn’t it be Wonderful?
By Lyralina Sanzennine
Disclaimer: FFVII belongs to Squaresoft. “Suteki Da Ne,” which inspired this, also belongs to Squaresoft. Well more precisely, Nobou Uematsu.
A/N: Companion fic to “Wither.”
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if we could walk together hand in hand?
I would give up almost anything for that, you know. Anything except who I am. And therein lies the problem.
My beliefs are what I am, and I can’t let go of them, even for you. Even if it’s tearing me apart inside…
Gods, it’s destroying me.
Each night I dream of you, lying by my side. I would run my fingers across the planes and curves of your face while you slept, memorizing every detail. I would come to know the slight arch of your brows, the straight line of your nose, and the chiseled sensuality of your mouth. Then you would awake and I would find myself in your arms, surrounded by you, falling into you.
But the sun always rises, chasing away the twilight. And my dreams melt with it.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if I could wake in the morning to find you there beside me? To find that it hadn’t been a dream? To find that, maybe, just maybe, we had a future to look forward to?
But no, it’s not to be.
If oceans separated us, you would have flown to me. If mountains separated us, I would have risked certain death to climb them to reach you. If the gods separated us, we would have challenged them and gambled our souls.
But this…this cannot be overcome. At least not this turn of the cycle.
I look up. Through the foliage of the trees overhead, I can see the moon. It’s beautiful tonight, bright and full. Silver.
I turn my face slightly and you’re there, leaning against a tree trunk, face tilted upwards to the moon.
I feel a tear trail slowly down the side of my cheek as I see you like this. You’re as strong and determined as always, of course, but you look so much softer, so much kinder now. I often wondered if you did this deliberately, all to suit your purposes. Each time we meet in battle, when Avalanche is with me, you’re cold, cruel, and maniacal. But when we meet like this, in the quietest hours of the night, you’re…you’re almost the man I used to love.
The man I would give my soul to have returned to me. If only that were possible.
Without turning to face me, you speak. “I’ve missed you.”
I feel my legs give out underneath me and I find myself sitting on the ground, the tears flowing freely now.
Three quiet words, spoken towards the moon. But I know they’re directed at me. Just as I know this will be the last time we see each other like this. Neither of us can continue living these two lives that can never merge.
Your ungloved fingers are beneath my chin, tilting my face towards you. And then you’re kissing me, not on the mouth, but over the curve of my cheek, tasting my tears on your lips.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, Aeris,” you say. I shake my head in response, unable to speak. No, it didn’t have to be like this. But the alternative was no better.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if our story could end happily?
“Come with me, Aeris. Leave your weak friends behind,” you whisper as your eyes silently plead with me. I can’t help but notice how well their mako depths reflect the sparse moonlight. “The world could be our playground.”
I shake my head again. “Come with me, and we can go back to the way we used to be. We were happy then.”
This is the obstacle, the one thing I can think of no way to overcome.
“You know I can’t go back, Aeris. Not with what I know now, not with what I’ve seen. I can’t go back to humanity.”
My hand comes up automatically, without thinking, to brush away a lock of silver hair that’s fallen into your eyes. “We don’t have to live like we used to, Sephiroth. We can,” I pause, uncertain, “We can build ourselves a home somewhere, away from the world. We can be happy.” Please, please…
But I know my words are useless, just as you know your words will not sway me.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if things were so much simpler? If I could take you home and introduce you to my mother and friends. If I could go to your home, to your arms, and remain in your heart.
Your lips are on mine now and we’re holding each other, knowing that this will be the last time. You’re kissing me with everything you have, trying to tell me, trying to seduce me, trying to persuade me to your side. Actions speak louder than words and I understand what you’re silently telling me.
I must follow this path. It is what I believe in – The destruction of
this revolting thing called humanity. I believe that this is my destiny and that it is all for the greater good. This
is my path; my story.
Yes, your story. You will follow what you trust to be your destiny.
And I must follow mine.
I’m kissing back, trying to tell you everything in that action because I can’t say it out loud any longer. I loved you. You were the driving force in my life all those years ago; the reason for me to wake up and face the cruel world each morning, the comfort I returned to each night to recharge for tomorrow.
You were.
But I can’t sway you now. I tried, I gave it everything I had, but you’re as determined and stubborn now as you were then.
But you’re not the same man…
We pull away from each other and I’m crying again. But it’s alright because I think I see a faint trace of moisture in your eyes too. I’m not being weak and pitiful, and I cling to that.
I’m about to say goodbye when I find my hand in yours, palm facing upwards. I look down in surprise to see you place a broken, withered lily in my palm. I gasp and my eyes widen as I realize what it is.
“You-”
“Symbolic, isn’t it?” You ask, grimly. “Do with it what you will. I’m sorry it had to be this way.” You stand up and my eyes follow you, though I remain on the ground. “And I’m sorry for how this story must end. Goodbye, Aeris.”
You turn and leave, disappearing into the shadows of the forest silently. My eyes return to the dead flower in my hand.
You kept it all this time…
It’s the lily I gave you eight years ago, the second time we met. It was a gift, for saving my life on the streets of the slums. Long before we became lovers, even before we became friends.
You kept it.
It used to be so beautiful, brilliant red lined with white. Now…
How sad it is.
I’ll take it back to my church and bury it there. I have to. Symbolic, as you said.
I sit back on my heels and breathe in deeply, trying to steady my tormented emotions. I find myself looking towards the moon again.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if things could have been different?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if we could live in frozen time, where tomorrow would never come?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if dreams could come true?
Perhaps…perhaps in another turn of the cycle.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if…?
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
~LS~