No Choice Left
Chapter 4
Disclaimer: The same as
before. I gave up writing brand new disclaimers for a while…
Author's Notes: Man, that's
the longest prologue I've ever seen… Anyway, don't worry, because this chapter
they'll finally (fanfares) meet each other… maybe even talk… (… and fall in
love and kiss, living happily ever after. The end. Or wait! Sephy will go
insane once more, he'll kill Aeris and marry Movitriss! Yeah, I'm so evil! Uh…
just kidding. Stupid me. Strange sense of humor…)
<…sense of humor…? What
sense of humor!?>
Anyway, here goes another long
chapter for you! (Could've been shorter but my rule is to write first and think
later… and I don't like throwing out anything I've written.) Check it out and
don't forget to let me know what you think!
* * *
The day they were supposed to
leave the Promised Land was bright and sunny, as if the planet itself wanted to
tell them to stay, tempting them with such a marvelous weather.
"Nice piece of
junk." Kyro said in the most monotone, unimpressed voice possible, staring
at the blue-painted starship. Then he yawned, running a gloved hand through his
tousled, blonde hair. "Gods!" he moaned "It's only
"Stop complaining."
Movitriss glared at him "You shouldn't have stayed that late with your
friends yesterday."
"Probably not." Kyro
shrugged, deciding it wouldn't be wise to argue with her; she was still
quite mad at him about what he had done at the last Council meeting "…But
I simply had to say goodbye to them. I'm not gonna see them for long, right?"
"Well, they're not going
to see you very soon but for you it would be only a one-week-journey. According
to the theory of relativity…"
"I know the theory of
relativity!" he cut her short, irritated with everybody's habit of
treating him like a fool only because he was a little younger. "Anyway,
how far is Sandalya?"
"About four hundred and
twenty-eight million kilometers away from our current position…" Movitriss
finished lacing up her shoe and straightened up.
"Gods!" exclaimed
Kyro "Coming to think about it… I've never been outside the Promised Land
before. I'm so excited about this entire journey! …Aren't you!?"
She raised her head and looked
straight at Kyro. There was a strange expression in her golden eyes… a dreamy
look of some sort. "Yes…" she answered, suddenly smiling and looking
away "Yes, I am."
* * *
Aeris stared in awe at the
majestic silvery-blue starship, shielding her eyes from the dazzling sun with
the back of her hand.
(Awesome… I'd never have thought
Cetran technology could be so advanced…)
Well, as a matter of fact, it
was quite a small starship but it still impressed her. It was the only
spacecraft she'd ever seen apart from the creepy, dilapidated, moss-overgrown
rocket that belonged to the ShinRa. In her thoughts she couldn't help but
compare those two vehicles… and the outcome of that comparison was rather
obvious.
(Well, at least it looks
reliable, right?)
Satisfied with what she had
seen, Aeris lowered her head, briefly closing her eyes and rubbing them.
Slightly blinded by the ubiquitous brightness, she started to walk in the
starship's direction. She could hear a car approaching in the distance but she
ignored the sound and kept moving. It was about
He was still terrifying to
her, dressed entirely in black. She could swear his eyes were glowing a little…
or was it just her imagination? She moved back a few steps and all at once
remembered she had to breathe. She wanted to withdraw without being noticed,
but she could only stand there and gaze, as if hypnotized. And then what she
feared happened, for suddenly Sephiroth looked up…
* * *
…noticing her for the first
time.
<Gods!!! What is SHE doing
here!?>
It was like looking at a
painting. Everything, even the colors seemed to be perfectly composed by some
invisible artist; the yellow landing field and the silver-blue starship against
a green background of some trees… not to mention the flawless blue sky above.
And Aeris stood in the middle of that painting, staring straight at him. The
gentle, morning wind was moving her loose, soft hair, which partially covered her
firm, yet delicate face. She wore a light brown dress. The brilliant sun behind
her back framed her silhouette with a golden glow, creating an amazing and
beautiful visual effect, at the same time making the whole picture blurred to a
human eye… but thanks to his catlike, vertical pupils Sephiroth could see
everything clearly…
<an angel>
The impression lasted for only
a few seconds, but to Sephiroth it seemed like an eternity. Strange emotions
passed through his head at once. Looking at Aeris he felt a mixture of shock,
shame, fear, grief, and… fascination.
He blinked. (What am I
doing…?) Only now did he notice the expression on Aeris' face. She was
frightened, curious perhaps, but frightened, nevertheless. Breaking the strange
tension between them, she turned around and quickly disappeared inside the
ship.
Shaking off his thoughts,
Sephiroth turned to Valagar, narrowing his eyes.
"What is she doing
here?" he hissed.
"She's going with
us." Valagar answered calmly.
"What!?" Sephiroth
lost his composure, raising his voice a little more than he intended to.
"You've heard me,
Sephiroth. She's coming."
"…Why?" he forced
himself not to shout.
"For the same reason as
you. We may need her. She's agreed to help us."
Sephiroth almost scowled.
"You can't just… Why haven't you told me…!?"
Valagar seemed untouched by
the younger man's frustration; he remained in a flippant mood. "I know you
had killed her. So what…? We both know it had happened under completely
different circumstances. Do you hate her now?"
"No, it's just…"
"Then I see no problem
here."
"Then you are
short-sighted!"
Valagar shrugged. "I care
about your opinion but no matter what you think, she's going with us. As well
as you are. You'd better try to come to terms with it." there was no real
threat or mockery in Valagar's words, the man was only stating a mere fact. He
put a hand on Sephiroth's shoulder and the younger man didn't pull away, he
only stared at Valagar with those angry green eyes. "Don't worry. I have a
hunch that everything will turn out well."
"You bastard."
Sephiroth clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to say something else but
suddenly changed his mind, coming to a conclusion that he wouldn't win against
Valagar's will anyway, neither would he made him change his decision.
So instead of throwing a
furious or ironical comment, he simply turned away without a word and started
to walk towards the starship. Valagar followed him in silence.
And so their journey began.
* * *
The travel to Sandalya was
supposed to last about a week, at least when considered from the travelers'
point of view. In fact, since the day they had set out, more than four years
passed in the Promised Land or on any other stationary planet, Sandalya
included.
The time on board went slowly
for some and quite fast for the others. Everyone did their best to pretend
everything was fine, that there was no real tension among them. Aeris and
Sephiroth put a lot of effort into avoiding each other, which meant they hadn't
practically met again apart from their brief encounter on the day when they
took-off. Movitriss constantly sought Sephiroth's company, completely not
bothered with his protests and assurances that he wanted to be left alone.
Three pilots took care of the
course, their task was only to bring everybody safe to Sandalya; then they were
supposed to leave. Kyro spent most of his time with them, chatting or playing
cards, he was simply too young to find entertainment in Valagar's company (who
rarely left his cabin, anyway). His clearly demonstrated hate for Sephiroth
made him avoid Movitriss' company as well and Aeris disliked him for no
apparent reason, which meant he was left on his own. In fact, Aeris had nothing
against the blonde-haired warrior, she had simply chosen solitude… and, unlike
Sephiroth, she managed to stay alone. That way almost an entire week passed and
they were now no farther than fifty million miles from Sandalya…
* * *
Movitriss frowned, lifting a
bishop from f4 and moving it to c7.
"Man…" she mumbled, biting
her lower lip and trying to sound upset "…you're good. Give me a chance,
OK?"
Sephiroth leaned his elbows on
the table, thinking for a brief second. "Why? That wouldn't be a fair
game, then." he said, taking her bishop with his tower in one smooth move.
Movitriss sighed, smiling at the same time, when he was laying the bishop next
to her hand.
"I've lost." she
winced, blinking.
"Not yet." corners
of Sephiroth's mouth lifted up a little. "Check."
"Gods!" Movitriss
threw her head back, pretending to sound irritated but laughing instead.
"You're incredible! And I thought I was clever!"
He rested his chin on one
hand, narrowing his eyes mischievously. "You are. You're simply not paying
enough attention."
"Whatever… Hey!" she
exclaimed a moment later, still laughing, knowing that the game was already
lost "What are you doing with that knight!?"
He almost smiled this time.
"Checkmate."
Movitriss shook her head in
amusement. "That was the quickest game I've ever played!" She lifted
one of her fallen pawns. "…Want to play again? Perhaps a little slower
this time…?"
Sephiroth nodded. "Why
not?"
"Are you bored?"
He leaned back on his chair,
watching her place the pawns on the board. "Not really. As a matter of
fact, you're quite a skilled player…"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever.
It's not that I could possibly win against you." she put the white king
next to the bishop "I'll take the whites." she reached out for a pawn
but suddenly hesitated "I think you should talk to her." she said
quietly but not shyly, moving one of the pawns to g3.
Sephiroth tensed, since he
instantly knew whom Movitriss was speaking about, although the name had never
actually been mentioned before in any of their many talks… and that was just
perfect with him.
Aeris. I'd rather face a
poisonous monster than her, Sephiroth thought. His eyes remained expressionless
but he was far from being calm. "It's not your business." his reply
was short and annoyed.
"I think you
should." Movitriss repeated, not lifting her gaze from the board.
Sephiroth shrugged his arms.
"What for?"
"You can't go on like
this. Besides, we're a team now. We won't accomplish anything, if you two keep
avoiding each other."
"You want me to apologize
to her?"
"If you wish…"
Movitriss started to laugh. "Oh, you're so stubborn. You're never gonna
admit you've made a mistake, right?"
He smiled, at the same time
wondering why he was smiling "…Never."
* * *
Aeris lifted her head from a
novel she was reading and sighed, rubbing her tired eyes. Being social as she
was, she found it very hard to remain silent and isolated for an entire week.
However, she simply couldn't risk encountering Sephiroth, so no matter how much
it cost her, she kept staying in her room… even if it meant reading the same
book for the third time.
She was beginning to feel
quite tired, but she didn't want to lay down yet, trying to fall asleep… she
disliked the stillness, the silence, plus the monotone humming of the
ventilation system always drove her mad. Putting the book away, she decided
that some coffee might help her stay awake for a little longer. Poking her head
through the door she noticed the corridor was empty, so a minute later she was
already in the kitchen, rummaging through the shelves in search of some coffee
beans.
No matter how hard she tried,
she couldn't drag her thoughts away from Sephiroth. She knew she couldn't stay
angry or suspicious very long, for she generally tried to accept people and get
along with them even if it appeared difficult at the beginning. However, at the
same time, she felt a strange urge to argue with everybody, to show the entire
world she was not pleased with the way her life had turned out.
<he. had. killed. me.>
She also thought about what
Ifalna had told her, later that night. She had spoken of vengeance and forgiveness.
And about the different circumstances that make people act differently. About
second chances and stuff like that… At first Aeris had been only irritated but
now… the longer she thought about everything, the less she seemed to be sure
about her anger. Suddenly she remembered the way Sephiroth had looked at her a
few days ago at the airport. She could swear there had been no hatred in his
eyes…
The bitter aroma of coffee
filled the whole room. Lost in her thoughts, Aeris didn't heard the man entering
the kitchen…
* * *
"Could you make me a cup
of coffee as well, please?" Valagar said, while automatic door were
closing behind him.
Aeris almost jumped at the
sound of his voice. Seeing it was Valagar, she visibly relaxed. "…Of
course." she answered, hesitantly starting to prepare another cup.
Valagar came up to a table and
sat at one of the chairs. "I'm concerned about you." he said all of a
sudden.
"Don't be." Aeris
answered quickly, pouring coffee beans into a porcelain cup. "I'm
fine."
“You’re angry with us, aren’t
you?” Valagar said and it didn’t sound much as a question.
She shook her head. "…No.
Not anymore. I've learned to accept my life… even though I'm not very happy
with it."
"You are very clever and
very brave indeed, my child."
Aeris blushed, finally turning
around to see Valagar's expression. The man's face remained emotionless but his
eyes were sincere, suggesting he really meant what he had said. Aeris hesitated
"Thank you…" she said simply and almost instantly tried to add: "But-"
"Shhh…" he stopped
her, putting a finger on his own lips "No 'buts', Aeris, no 'buts'."
She laid a steaming, hot cup
of coffee in front of him. He took a careful sip, then rested his elbows on the
table, leaning his chin on clasped arms. "Why are you keeping away from
us?" he asked "Do you find our company so terrible?"
"No, of course not."
she argued "It's just that…" her voice trailed off, for she honestly
didn't believe Valagar would understand.
"Don't be afraid of him,
child." the old man spoke, looking up and meeting her gaze. "He's
got a complicated character that is sometimes very hard to understand… but he's
not entirely evil."
Aeris large, green eyes were
amazed but still suspicious. "How would you know?"
"I know." he stated
with such an unquestionable authority and such an implicit faith that Aeris
felt like arguing would be something improper.
"Intuition?" she
asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Something much more
reliable than that."
"The Lifestream cannot
read a person's thoughts…" she opposed carefully.
"Yes, but it can show
personal memories, allowing you to draw some conclusions… I'm quite a good
psychologist, you know…"
Aeris fell silent. "So
you believe he's… normal now…?" she decided to ask.
"And what do you believe
is 'normal', then?" he threw her an amused glance.
Aeris looked at him carefully,
as if trying to read his intentions. "I mean…" she paused, selecting
her words. "I mean respecting ethics… following the commonly established
norms of human behavior…"
Valagar smiled at her, but at
the same time she had an impression that he was hiding something. "If
that's the way you put it…" he paused to take a sip from his cup
"Well, I'm leaving it for you to decide. It's childish to run away from
your problems."
"Maybe…" Aeris' eyes
held a distant look for a second. Then she shook her head. "I think I'm
going to return to my room, anyway." she almost expected Valagar to frown
and say something disappointed, like: 'so haven't you learn anything…?' but he
only smiled, as if he knew better. Aeris walked out of the kitchen, entering
the broad, brightly illuminated corridor. And she froze.
* * *
So did Sephiroth, who came to
a halt only a few meters away. They were both too close to pretend they hadn't
seen each other.
Aeris couldn't help but stare
at the man. She was surprised to see how different he was from what she
remembered. Last time they met, back on the Planet, she could have only noticed
the madness in his green eyes and the narrow, silver blade of his terrifying
sword. Today she felt like seeing him for the first time in her life.
He was tall, very lean and
dressed entirely in black; black were his trousers, boots, gloves, shirt and a
velvet band around his neck; a single obsidian glittered there. His silver,
almost white hair was tied into a long braid, reaching well past his hips. The
plait was decorated with a dark, velvet ribbon; the ribbon's ends were almost
touching the ground. The man had the most incredible eyes she'd ever seen.
Their color was ambiguous, impossible to determine; they were a mixture of
sky-blue and intense green. To some extent, they looked like cat's eyes. They
shone with a strange glow, giving Sephiroth's slender and frightfully pale face
an eerie look.
Beautiful or not, he still
frightened her, so she turned her head away, not wanting to look at him
like that. She knew she had to remain composed around him.
"I'm… sorry."
Sephiroth said, breaking the awkward silence. "I didn't want to disturb
you." he turned away to leave.
Aeris was surprised to hear
that his voice could be so calm. She was also more than shocked to see him
acting like that: tranquil and polite; even if his politeness and tranquility
were somewhat forced. And he was also quite… careful. As if he actually cared
about what happened between them. She hesitated. (I guess Valagar was right.
It's so childish to run away…)
"Wait…" she said
bravely and instantly regretted her words. (Now what…?)
He stopped abruptly, not
bothering to turn around. "Yes…?" he finally managed to say, masking
his fear and embarrassment with irritation.
She managed to control her
trembling hands, finally overcoming her fear. "It's not the way it was all
supposed to be… right?" she almost blushed, realizing too late that it was
a stupid, trivial thing to say.
Her words made him feel more
than uneasy. (Why do I have to deal with her…? Looking in the eyes of one of my
many victims… I guess it's a simple consequence of my past actions and choices…
but then again, were they all really mine…?)
He slowly turned around and
looked straight at her with those incredible eyes. Then he rested one hand on
his hip, shaking his head. "It's not the way I've imagined my afterlife,
either…"
She smiled bitterly, surprised
where was this sudden courage coming from. "It's not an afterlife. It's
really happening."
He laughed but his laugh was
devoid of any true joy. "Fate is a strange thing, Aeris."
(What am I saying…?) He
paused. (I don't believe in fate any more…)
"Was it fate that told
you to kill me?" she spoke too fast, before she could even think, and she
instantly lowered her eyes, blushing and biting her tongue. (Gods! I'm
forgetting I'm talking with him!)
He frowned almost
imperceptibly. (Why do I care about her opinion that much…? Why do I have an
impression she is the one who should actually judge me…?). At the same time he
wanted to laugh bitterly. (Straight to the point, Aeris, aren't you?)
"Look, Aeris." he
said quietly "I'm going to kill you now, if that's your concern."
"Why should I trust
you?"
"And why should I kill
you?"
"…I don't know… Because
you hate me?"
"Why should I hate you,
then…?"
Aeris fell silent. Try as she
might, she couldn't find an honest answer to that. There was a long silence
between them. However, Aeris couldn't stop herself from asking that one basic,
inevitable question…
"Why have you done
it…?" both of them knew she meant not only her own death but also all the
other things that had happened.
You'll never be able to
understand, he thought, suddenly looking away. 'I don't know', he wanted to
say, but he knew that it would be a lie. Of course he had his reasons back then
and he knew well that he was far from being insane or simply manipulated by
Jenova. He still considered some of those reasons right, the only difference
was he had realized that vengeance led do nothing.
Almost against himself, he
decided to be honest. "Because I believed it was right."
I can't imagine it, Aeris
thought. (How can anybody be convinced that killing innocent people or
destroying a planet is right…?)
"What does it
change?" he shrugged, not believing in any single world he spoke.
"It's in the past."
Her eyes widened a little.
"Don't you care…?"
<of course I do>
"Don't expect me to
answer that." Sephiroth didn't avert his eyes.
Aeris shook her head rapidly.
"I'm so much confused…" she admitted.
(I honestly don't know what to
think about him… He's different… yet still so… inhuman… The way he acts, damn,
he's so cold, as if he had no emotions at all…)
<it's not true>
(Maybe it's just a mask, then.
I don't know him, right? Ifalna told me to forgive him…)
She looked straight at him,
deciding to follow her instincts and depend on her innate gift of empathy to
tell her the truth about this strange man.
At the same time Sephiroth was
looking at her. Of course he remembered her from that day, 18 years ago; an
innocent, little girl, not even realizing what was happening around her. He
also remembered her from just a few weeks ago; a delicate, fragile woman that
hadn't even screamed when his sword plunged into her back with an incredible
force. That memory, however, was actually only a blur, like everything from the
time he was serving Jenova. …And now she stood almost right before his eyes,
not very different from the last time he had seen her; slender, graceful,
beautiful. Innocent.
<She's been through hell just
like me and yet she has stayed innocent. Oh, how I envy her…>
She resembled Ifalna so much…
<bending over him, laying a
warm hand on his shoulder. Her face hanging a few centimeters from his own. Her
voice, soft and gentle: take care of yourself, Sephiroth… will you? Her eyes,
large and green, shining with a mixture of terror and regret>
Aeris took a deep breath,
since Sephiroth's eyes were… sad? He's really a human, she suddenly realized
and the thought struck her. (He's not an emotionless monster?)
<And what if he's just an
actor?>
(…An actor…? …No…)
She decided to trust her
heart. "I'm… just surprised to see… you're a… that you're… I mean…"
she stopped, suddenly very embarrassed. (What am I trying to say!? It's such a
nonsense…! -Sephiroth, I'm surprised to see you're a human…- …?) That would be
a very stupid and rude thing to say, she realized.
"Our conversation makes
you uneasy, right?" he asked, slightly tilting his head to the side with
one hand still resting on his hip. A small smile was playing upon his lips, a
smile that had nothing to do with mirth "…Well, the feeling's mutual,
believe me." he admitted, once more deciding to be honest, since he
figured out that would be better. "The fact that we're a team now does not
make things easier, now does it?" he asked and she nodded in response.
Quite unexpectedly, Sephiroth looked away for the first time, which actually
surprised even him. "Fine. Hate me then, if you wish."
Her eyes widened a little,
since she had actually managed to catch his expression before he turned away
his gaze. Slowly, carefully she shook her head, then smiled; it was a small,
uncertain smile. "Stop it." she spoke. "There, you've already
said it. It's in the past. I… I want you to know I'm no longer mad at you… And
that… of course I can speak for myself only but… and we'll most probably never
forget but… I… forgive you. So don't worry about the past, it's alright with
me." speaking those words instantly made her feel better, as if a giant
burden had been taken off her shoulders. Anyway, not wanting the situation to
become even more tense and awkward, she momentarily turned away and started to
walk straight ahead, without a single look back.
Sephiroth watched her leave
and disappear around the corner. Then he leaned himself against a wall, raising
a slightly trembling hand to his forehead. Saying he was confused was not
enough. Yet still, at the same time, he didn't feel very happy or enthusiastic…
quite the opposite, actually.
"I'm not looking for
forgiveness…" he whispered.
<I'm looking for
acceptance.>
End of Chapter 4
* * *
Author's Notes: Ooow! Sweet,
stupid, unrealistic… everything I've tried to avoid! Anyway, I can see some
progress here: they didn't burst out into tears just a few seconds after they'd
met. However, I have to admit I did expect their relationship to progress even
more slowly (which means I don't really like the stupid "forgive you"
part)… it's just that this fic is not a 300-page novel, right? I don't want to
spend my entire life writing it, so I have to start coming to the point. To
understand each other, Sephiroth and Aeris have to talk to each other, which
means I can't keep them silent or angered forever. If they were both supposed
to stay in character, they'd probably never say things like that…
By the way… Why, why, whyyy do
you hate Movitriss so much…!? Have you ever fallen in love only to realize
you're going to loose your lover very soon…? (ehm… no? …oh, in case you're
wondering, her character is NOT based on my personal experience…) Do you
imagine how the poor woman may feel!? Movitriss is such a tragic (sob)
character (sob…). Some compassion for her, people, please…!
Anyway, regardless of what may
happen in the future, Movitriss and Sephiroth are right now spending
dangerously much time together… and it's not indifferent to both of them!
(Don't be mad at me, KrystalClear! Some things just have to be done… only to
make the story better at the end! Don't flame me, Aeris/Seph lovers, 'cause I
love you all! I'm a Seph/Aeris person myself, almost blindly devoted to this
couple… draw you conclusions!)
So… anybody wanna see what
happens next?