No Choice Left
Chapter 8
Disclaimer: The song Aeris
sings belongs to The Cranberries. (I own five CDs by The Cranberries, but the
song I've chosen for this chapter is one of the less known ones, which means
I've never actually heard the melody before… ^_^; I can only assume it's a slow
one, according to the lyrics - I downloaded them from the net about a month ago.
Anyway, I decided that it fits here and risked a terrible mistake of… uh,
making Aeris sing an aggressive rock song. ^_^;;; ) …Back on the subject… Aeris
and Sephiroth are - as always - the property of Squaresoft. Enjoy this
disclaimer, because it's probably the last one… I hate making them up!
Author's Notes: I finished
this chapter a few days ago, but didn't feel like posting it. Am I loosing
heart for this fic? Or maybe I'm simply temporarily depressed? This part is
stupid, sentimental and poorly written, and yet I was too lazy to correct it or
change anything… Sorry. Next chapter will be better, though. <Yeah, try
deluding your readers with some false promises, that's the point… *a very
insane grin*>
* * *
"You don't give up
easily, do you?" he raised his eyebrows, irritated, jumping down from the
railing.
"I woke up and saw you
weren't there, so after a while I went out to look for you." she said
calmly, unprovoked. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Sephiroth
answered firmly. "And I don't need a caretaker."
She shook her head, leaning on
the rail. "Oh, quit it. You can't sleep, right? Or perhaps… you're simply
afraid to sleep?" he instantly tensed. "You see?" she clasped
her hands, bending over the water. "Sometimes you're being so honorable…
Forgive me, if I offended you, but that's the only way I can make you stop
acting sarcastic or being entirely silent." she suddenly raised her head
and looked straight into his eyes, which were terrifyingly beautiful… even now,
when anger shone in them. "No one has ever talked to you that way, right?
No one tried to help you… I can see who you are, Sephiroth. Who you really
are. Beyond that cool exterior of yours."
Heavy silence fell between
them. Sephiroth was so surprised with her indignity that for a moment he
actually lost his voice, which was a rare thing, indeed. (How dare you speak to
me like that!?) Her words were like a slap across the face.
"I don't mind your
anger." Aeris said, a little frightened, and yet serene at the same time.
"At least I know that my words are reaching you. That I'm not talking to a
wall…" she smiled sadly. "…contrary to what you try to prove
me."
"So what?" he
shrugged, calming down and turning his back on her.
"You're human, Sephiroth.
You react emotionally, exactly the way any human would…"
"You know nothing about
"It was Jenova that
destroyed Nibelheim, Sephiroth…" Aeris reminded gently.
"It's not true…" his
voice involuntarily trembled, too slight for the woman to notice. "Do you
really think it would have happened if I hadn't wanted that…?"
"Did you…?"
"Back then?" he
sighed. His large, aquamarine eyes had a distant, thoughtful and frightfully
sorrowful look. "Back then… Yes… Even much. I was… very angry. I believed
in every single thing I did. I had no doubts Jenova was right, I didn't
hesitate even for a moment…"
(I was a fool… as always…)
Aeris took a deep breath.
"And now? Do you regret it…? Please, refrain from sarcasm this time. Give
me an honest answer…"
<an honest answer?>
(I'm not sorry for them, but
for myself only…)
He was silent for a very long
time.
"Yes, I regret doing
it." he said. "But no, I do not regret those people." Aeris felt
some invisible hand grasping her throat and she paled. Sephiroth smiled
bitterly. "That's not the answer you expected, right? Well, you asked me
for sincerity. You should've taken that into account…"
"Why… not?" Aeris
finally spoke.
"Why do I not feel sorry
for them?" he shrugged and slowly shook his read. For a short moment his
eyes once more sparkled with exhaustion and sorrow. "It perplexes you, you
can't understand it, right?" She nodded in silence.
(A matter of upbringing?)
Sephiroth wondered briefly, brushing the silver strands aside. (War
experiences, perhaps? Or maybe there's really something wrong with me if I'm
not able to understand what seems so obvious to her… that every death is wrong,
in spite of anything… Have I ever thought that way…?)
<I don't remember>
(When I was a child I was
constantly told that death had sense, if only it were your enemies that you
killed… I never saw anything wrong in bloodshed… Never liked it, for it was
messy, yet never complained much. And when I was killing for Jenova, I had my
enemies and my personal reasons, so everything made a perfect sense. Even
if I now realize I was wrong, it doesn't change anything…)
(I regret killing some people
I knew well… like Tseng for example. He was only eighteen years older, but I
used to treat him almost like a father I never had, I admired his ingenuity,
eloquence, dark sense of humor… …But the others? All the nameless faces from
the crowd? Who were they for me to feel sorry about them?) He bit his lip,
since something bothered him deeply. (But those people were also women and
children… They couldn't defend themselves… And it's not the same as killing
soldiers or those who threaten you…) He winced, his thin eyebrows stirred
unnoticeably. (They were not the ones that hurt me… Which means my vengeance
was foolish. And very childish. Sometimes I have an impression that every
single thing I did was pointless…)
He sighed. "You'll never
understand…"
Aeris smiled sadly. "But
I believe it's worth trying. It's hard for you, isn't it? But the past
certainly cannot be changed, in spite of anything, so I guess it's no point in
letting the memories torment you." he was surprised to learn how much she
actually knew about him. "You think you're alone now? Well, that's not
true…" she hesitated before speaking the words that meant much to her.
"You'll always have me… Let's make a deal." she looked into his eyes.
"You won't give up. …For me."
He was silent.
"Did you really think I
was about to commit a suicide?" he smiled bitterly and shook his head.
"No, I'm determined to live, no matter what. It's the damned instinct of
self-preservation… I cannot really escape it…"
"I believe everyone has a
chance to live." she spoke silently.
<Especially you.>
"I'm neither stupid, nor
naive, Sephiroth, and my words are not badly-thought-out. I feared you when we
first met at the airport, because I thought you were still a dangerous man
obsessed with power. Now I realize you indeed seem to be cold-hearted, but
you're far from being yet another cruel murderer. I see you're a victim just
like everybody else." He frowned. "Don't!" she interrupted him.
"Let me finish. Now, that I see things in a different light, I'm no longer
afraid of you. Perhaps I'll never understand your reasons… and I think I don't
really want to understand them… I also don't think the things you did deserve
praise and I wish they had never really happened, but I do not condemn you. All
you can do know is try to forget and to move on, and even I have to admit it,
as cruel as it may sound to the memory of those people you killed. I believe you
can start everything anew…"
He said nothing, simply
staring into the water.
"Do you still think I'm a
fool?" she smiled bitterly. "Believing in you?"
She bit her lip. (Tell me.
What do you think of me, Sephiroth?)
Wordlessly, he let go of the
railing and turned around. Aeris was sure he was going to walk away, offended
at her straightforwardness. But he only came up to the superstructure's wooden
wall and sat down, closing his eyes. "Sing something, Aeris…" he
unexpectedly asked.
"I can't sing that
well…" she carefully opposed, blushing slightly. "I'd only ruin this
night."
"Yes, you can." his
voice was heavy, tired. He rested his elbows on his knees, bending down his
head, burying it in his hands. "Please."
She turned her head away.
(What should I sing…? Something merry? Sad? Serious or perhaps silly? What does
he expect?) She wondered for awhile, unable to come across any good idea. She
walked up to the wall as well and sat down beside Sephiroth. A minute later she
closed her eyes and started to sing, at the beginning very shyly and quietly,
blushing, trying not to ruin the gentle melody, and yet gradually becoming more
self-confident; her firm voice enveloped in the silence of the night.
"Night-time has gone when
all was still/ Moon shone the way as we climbed the hill/ When we arrived we
raised our hands/ Now the dawn has come now we understand/ The sun does rise in
the eastern sky/ and love soon comes watch over I/ The road was long yes we
travelled far/ Through long dark nights without guiding star/ Visions of an
angel came along the way/ Told us "don't be fearful for there comes a
brighter day"/ This journey's been an epic/ Sometimes I've been so down/
Stranded in a lonely bar the other side of town/ Yes we've travelled day and
night for many a pour mile/ Now it all makes sense as we see the morning
smile…"
When Aeris finished singing,
neither of them spoke for a very long time.
"You know what…?"
Aeris was the first to break the silence. Anxiously, she rested her head on
Sephiroth's shoulder, partially expecting him to frown at her, to stand up, and
yet he did nothing to pull away. Perhaps he had missed the warmth of human
touch. Or perhaps he didn't really care.
He slowly looked up.
"Hm…?"
"I think it's just a matter
of patience. Things will work out fine, we just need to be patient…"
(We?) Sephiroth thought, but
said nothing, concealing his mild surprise. A warm cheek pressed against his
shoulder, Aeris closed her eyes. The gentle rolling of the ship, the calming humming
of the waves and the tiredness made her fall asleep very quickly.
Trusting like a little child,
the fragile woman slept leaning on her murderer's arm.
(Now, isn't that
ironic…) Sephiroth sighed. He carefully rested his head on hers, cautious not
to awake her. (I wish I could stay like this forever… away from the troubles of
the world… Lost in the sea… But I know all happy moments will eventually come
to an end…)
A seagull's cry tore the air.
He looked up. The inevitable dawn was approaching.
* * *
"Look, mommy, it's a
rose!"
Elmyra bent over her
eleven-year-old daughter. "It's the prettiest rose I've ever seen…"
"Look! I can braid my
hair with it and pretend I'm a princess!"
The woman smiled at her.
"Maybe you won't have to pretend at all, Aeris… my little princess…"
"And then one day my
noble prince will arrive on a golden chocobo…" the girl went on, lost in
her blissful fantasy.
"And you'll fall in
love with him, and you'll be both very happy together." Elmyra finished.
Aeris expression turned
into a childish, innocent frown. "But how would I know I'm in love…?"
"You'll simply know,
when the time comes…" Elmyra laughed quietly. "Believe me, you
will…"
* * *
"This place is
huge!" Aeris said, looking round the broad streets of Sétif, as she tried
to avoid being trampled by the crowd. "How are we supposed we find them here?
Checking every inn? I bet there are dozens of them in this city!" Not
paying much attention to her words, Sephiroth just hurried down the street with
an irritated look on his face. Although Aeris knew it was not her that he was
being annoyed with, but the weather, she still wished he could sometimes act
differently. Not only was this place crowded, it was also incredibly hot. Aeris
sighed, but before she could follow her moody companion, an unfamiliar man had
suddenly grabbed the hem of her dress.
"Do you want me to look
into your future, miss?"
"Aaah…" Aeris,
startled, quickly pulled away. "…No. Rather not. Thanks."
She turned around to see
Sephiroth was already gone.
"No, not again!" she
cursed under her breath. (Don't leave me alone!)
"Excuse me…"
"Look, I've already told
you I don't want to…" she started to raise her voice, but immediately
stopped as soon as she realized that this time a different person stands behind
her - a boy not older than fifteen years old.
"Yes?" she said
impatiently, still looking round for Sephiroth. To her immeasurable relief, he
suddenly emerged from around the corner, obviously having searched for her as
well. She wanted to say something, but the boy was faster.
"By any chance…" he
began, bowing to them. "Are you the people I'm looking for? Miss
Gainsborough? Mr. van Thyssen?"
Being called by Hojo's surname
for the first time in his life made Sephiroth wince and almost grab the boy's
throat. "Who the hell are you?"
The boy misunderstood
Sephiroth's anger and took a very rapid step forward. "I-I am Keled, a
messenger… Lord Ongi sent me to find you by the request of a man called
Valagar, and told me you were his friends. Please, follow…"
"Since when we're friends
with some what's-his-name lord?" Aeris asked, putting a hand on her hip.
Damn, she's learning quickly,
Sephiroth thought. (I guess I'm the teacher…)
"Lord Ongi will explain
you everything." the frightened, and yet self-assured boy answered.
"Please, just follow me to his house…"
* * *
"Sétif is beyond Haghia's
influence. It proclaimed independence three years ago. Back then, Evorinth
decided not to take any action, because his kingdom was involved in a dangerous,
potentially catastrophic conflict with Rotham, a fairly large country to the
south. Now, that the conflict with Rotham is over, I fear he may be considering
some sort of vengeance upon us, in order to regain the lost territory. I was
told he had started gathering an army. …Anyway, we might increase our chances
of winning this war by helping you. Every enemy of Evorinth is a friend of
mine."
(Enemy of Evorinth…? I don't
care about him at all! I won't meddle into some local conflict…) Sephiroth
frowned, not even bothering to hide his aversion.
The duke smiled. "Ah, I
can see you're not very eager to help us…"
"We have much bigger
problems to worry about…" Aeris spoke.
"What sort of
problems?" Ongi became interested.
"Aeris." Sephiroth
frowned, before the young woman had a chance to say anything about the Räelans
or about Evorinth having other reasons to gather an army apart from punishing
Sétif.
"Sorry." she
blushed, plunging her eyes to the ground.
"I see." the lord
laughed. "If it's a secret, so be it." Aeris frowned, feeling a
little suspicious about the prince waving the matter aside just like that.
"Don't worry. I'm not the type of person Evorinth is. I won't betray my
guests… Send paid assassins or add any poison to their food. Relax."
"Oh, that's very kind of
you." Sephiroth said, deadly serious. However, Aeris already knew him well
enough to realize he was once again being sarcastic, but fortunately the other
man didn't catch the mockery in those words.
"I'll see you on supper.
The three of your friends will most probably join us later that evening, as
soon as they'll finish their business in the city." the lord said and left
the room.
"I wonder what Valagar
promised him…?" Sephiroth said, leaning comfortably on a sofa just after
the door closed.
"What do you mean?"
Aeris tilted her head to the side, trying to comb through her tangled hair with
her fingers only.
He sighed. "There's some
deeper reason beyond that politeness. Do you think he would act disinterestedly
just like that?"
"I do believe in people,
you know…" she grinned at him.
He didn't seem to have heard
her last comment. "…He most probably promised our help in this pathetic
little war between Haghia and Sétif. It's so easy to foresee…"
"What!?" she
frowned.
"Didn't you notice…?
Valagar's using literally everybody."
They were both silent for a
few seconds.
"Whatever." Aeris
finally spoke, shrugging her arms. "I think I'm gonna take a quick bath
now… Do you imagine how much salt do I have in my hair?"
* * *
Allowing herself a gentle sigh
of relief, she threw her head backwards, leaning it on the tub's wooden edge.
The timber was dark with moisture. Aeris' hair was equally drenched with
the humid air, therefore being wet and heavy. The oils that had been poured
into the water gave off an intense aroma of vanilla. Aeris felt very sleepy,
but she finally forced herself to step out of the tub, naked and soaking with
water. She grabbed a white, coarse cloth that lay on the floor and wrapped it
tightly around her body, trembling a little, since it was cold in the
stonewalled basement. She started murmuring under her breath.
"Now, where did I left my
dress…? Upstairs?"
She turned around to check the
other corner of the basement. And she instantly froze in panic, almost dropping
the cloth.
"No…" her lips
whispered. "It can't be… It can't be…"
<Jenova>
(She's dead! Dead!!!)
…But, of course, it wasn't
her. The creature looked slightly different, slightly less repulsive and very
much alive. It stood two meters tall, on a pair of massive legs. Its reddish
body glistened in the candlelight, some veins being visible from under the
skin. Aeris gasped in shock. It was incredible, the way it looked at her, with
those piercing violet eyes. She wanted to pull back, to scream, but the tension
was just too much for her to stand. She did what any normal woman would do in
such situation.
With her eyes still wide, she
fainted.
* * *
Standing alone in the middle
of the dinning room, Sephiroth was unaware of all the things going on in the basement,
impatiently waiting for Valagar to return. (What's taking them so long…?) He
casually walked up to the table, absently lighting a candle with a mere snap of
his fingers. And he paused. He could feel somebody behind him. No, it wasn't a
servant, for servants usually don't creep up on you from the behind or lurk in
the shadows. (Another assassin?) Years of military training made him spun
around even before he could logically think up his next move.
At first he thought it was a
monster
Then, a second later, the
realization struck him. And his face went white as snow, lips deadly pale, as
his eyebrows raised in recognition. Though he could normally control
adrenaline, his heartbeat now uncontrollably quickened and his calm blue eyes
turned bright green, narrowing into tiny slits.
Because it was no monster,
only something much worse.
He gasped, but he did not act
on impulse, driven by a blind rage or sense of danger. He waited, slightly
leaned forward, with his hand frozen near to his hip, as if ready to summon a
weapon. Ever so slowly he was getting over his shock. Fear. And fascination. He
perfectly realized that the being in front of him was intelligent. He way it
looked at him sent shivers down his spine.
"Who are you!?"
Sephiroth spat, though he already knew the answer. "Where do you come
from!?"
And the alien answered. The
mental blow was so powerful, that it almost made Sephiroth cry out. No, it was
not painful… just… so overwhelming. It was much more like images, like feelings
being imprinted into his brain… The entire message was based on emotions rather
than words. Jenova had sometimes spoken with him that way, too. But spending
more than two thousand years on the Planet had made her learn how to articulate
words and she had used this ability quite often, in order for him to better
understand her wishes and desires.
The alien either didn't know
how to speak, or didn't really bother to try. But the message was obvious
enough and Sephiroth understood.
Who are you?
No hostility. Just curiosity.
"It hurts. Stop."
Sephiroth said, sinking to his knees. By this time he perfectly realized it was
not his words the creature understood, but his thoughts.
The alien took a step forward,
and despite its size it moved with a catlike grace of a dancer. Sephiroth's instincts
screamed for him to back up, to summon his sword, to cast a spell, to do
anything. However, his cold, reasonable mind flatly told him to stay in place.
(If it wanted me dead, it would just sneak upon me faster or attack me with a
spell from the corridor. I would either be dead or fighting it right now.)
A thin, sticky hand touched
his chin, raising it up.
For the first time he got a
chance to look straight into the alien's eyes. They were empty. Devoid of any
emotion. But the emotion was there and he knew it. It was so… overpowering.
Not human, the voice in his head said. Interesting.
"What are you doing
here?" Sephiroth repeated in a harsh whisper, narrowing his own, equally
inhuman eyes at the creature.
Obvious. This place will be
ours. We need it.
"Need it? For what?"
Are you one of us?
The creature leaned closer.
Sephiroth held his breath, unable to move, unable to do anything.
He won't hurt me, he suddenly realized.
No. I won't. Human?
It was as if something deep
awakened inside him. Something that had been always there, but had remained
buried under the smooth surface of humanity. Something familiar. Jenova never
forced that kind of reaction out of him.
He felt like falling.
Who are you?, the alien repeated. Not human.
A broken dish fell to the
floor as a young female servant started to scream. The alien, alarmed by the
noise, immediately rushed in her direction. Sephiroth caught a glimpse of
emotions that passed through the creature's head. He was determined to kill.
"No!" Sephiroth
screamed, instantly jumping to his feet. "Don't hurt her!"
End of Chapter 8
* * *
Author's Notes: Uuuh, now this
chapter was awful, interesting, maybe, but terribly designed. <Now
where did I put that rope…?> Anyway…! You don't seriously expect the poor
servant girl to live, do you…? Or Aeris to stay in one piece, for that matter?
What about Valagar's standpoint? Well, in case you overlooked it - he's been
actually defending the Räelans from the beginning… Furthermore… is Movitriss
going to come back and flirt with Sephy? Most importantly - will I ever update
this story!?
So many unanswered questions…
that's just the way life is. As usually, I'm counting on your feedback. Thanks
for your support so far, remember, I love you all!