No Wish to be Alone
Chapter 7
He was quiet for a long time.
It had not occurred to him that she might not be safe from Jenova’s
influence. What’s your plan, witch? He wondered, Whatever
it is, know I will be fighting on her side now. He looked down at the girl
who lay within his arms, resting her head on his chest, eyes closed. They were
sitting beneath the willow tree. He had picked her up and carried her there as
she cried about the terrible nightmare she’d had; she had dreamed that he left
her alone. She understands. She knows what it’s like to be the only person
like you in the entire world. This weightless, tiny thing possesses more
strength than she lets on. He smiled ruefully, remembering how badly his
face had hurt after she hit him. In more ways than one.
I will definitely be more aware next time.
His silent chuckle made her
open her eyes. "What is it?" She asked, yawning.
"Just thinking about how
nice the weather is." He grinned down at her.
"Riiiiight,"
she narrowed her eyes at him, "I’m sure that’s what you were
thinking." After a moment of mock sternness, though, she relented and
returned his grin. Moving closer, she put her arms around his neck and laid her
head on his shoulder. "We have to get moving soon, don’t we?"
"Mmhmm." He adjusted his hold on her. "Let’s see how you feel in the
morning. We can decide then."
"What do we do next,
anyway? We can’t just travel aimlessly forever." One of her fingers twined
with a lock of his hair. "Have you had time to think about that?"
He sighed. "I have some
ideas. First, Jenova is my enemy now. We need to prevent her from destroying
the world."
"Right, an easy task, I’m
sure. What do we do to fill the time between now and then?"
Another
chuckle.
"Next, we need to find out why the Planet has seen fit to intervene
between me and Jenova, and why it had me save you. And how it
did that." He looked down at her. "Any
thoughts on the matter? You are the one who can speak with the
Planet."
She looked uncertain.
"Umm, maybe we should finish making our plans, and then I can tell you
what I know." How do I tell him that the Planet picked him to father my
children? she thought. Gods, I’d almost be too
embarrassed! What do I say?
Say the truth, child, said the Planet. He will understand
in time.
How much time? And how am I
supposed to talk about this? I’m still not even sure about WHAT has to be done,
let alone discuss it with this man!
The Planet sent a small wave
of peace. All will be well.
He noticed that she was
speaking to the Planet, then her face cleared. The
blush remained. Smirking slightly, he continued. "More immediately, we
need to resupply soon. We have enough to get us to
the next town, but staying here too long will use precious resources. And
finally…," his voice trailed off as he thought.
She prodded him. "Finally what?"
When he turned his gaze down
upon her, the cold intensity in his Mako eyes made her shiver involuntarily.
"We have to face AVALANCHE." He looked away. "Between that and
Jenova," he said softly, "I think Jenova’s
the easier thing to deal with."
"They’re not that
bad."
"Remember that they all
hate me, and with good reason." Gently extricating himself from her arms,
he stood and stretched. "I—I need to think about this for a while. Excuse
me." He strode off to the camp to fetch Masamune, his face impassive
again.
Gods and Planet both, I
hate it when he looks like that.
Troubled. Does not know his
path. Needs to find it anew.
What is wrong, dear Friend?
I feel it within you, too. A…sadness. Why?
The wind sighed. He bears
too many burdens. Must work with your friends, but cannot yet. Too much regret,
too much pain.
Pain?
He remembers.
I don’t understand. What
does he remember?
Soft as a whisper, she heard, Murder.
Death. Killing. Chaos. Terror. Horror.
Pain. Torture. Wrong.
No! But that was Jenova! It
wasn’t his fault that he did those things!
He sees it as so.
A new determination filled
her. Then I will help him! Tell me what to do! She stood, clenching her
hands into fists at her sides.
Must show
him love.
Give him hope. Too much to bear. Before he can agree
to his new path, he must first forgive himself..
Forgive himself?
So many
questions.
Talk to him. Tell him whys and hows of what he wants
to know. You will see. But keep him close. More distance between you; harder to
keep you safe.
With the Planet’s warning
echoing in her mind, she set off toward the camp after him.
*****
Masamune made a perfect arc in
the air, cutting through an invisible opponent. Eyes closed, he concentrated on
the graceful forms of his katas. One of the few enjoyments he had had for most
of his life was wielding this exquisite blade. He took the responsibility of
the weapon seriously. He was the only man in a hundred years who knew how to
control the impossibly long, whip-thin masterpiece. Its wrapped hilt fit his
hands as though it had been made especially for him, the balance just right for
a man of his strength.
Strength, HA! He thought, viciously slashing at an
imaginary monster. I allowed myself to be controlled by that creature,
killed innocents, and nearly destroyed the only person in the world who could
possibly understand me! The sudden sting of tears and his old self-disgust
made him move faster. I have been used by others my entire life! The
sword was a blur now, whirling in tight circles. I will not be used again! He
fought the memory of Jenova’s first seductive words
in his blackest moment. I am more than what others made me to be! I AM MY
OWN MAN! The faces of the villagers from Nibelheim, SOLDIERS, unfortunate
employees of ShinRa, everyone he had destroyed in his
madness surrounded him. They laughed as he tried to cut them down, crowding
closer.
We are your past, they said, you will never be free.
We are here to remind you of what you have done.
NO! His mind screamed, Forgive me!
Never, they laughed, You
have lost your path…
How do I find my path
again? TELL ME!
One woman stepped forward, an
ugly red gash across her shoulder and chest. She held a dying child in her
arms. She shook her head sadly. We have not the power to forgive you,
General. You must forgive yourself.
He collapsed to his knees,
weeping. Masamune fell from his nerveless fingers to rest beside him on the
ground. He covered his face with both hands, shoulders
bent and head down. "I cannot," he whispered, "I am a monster."
Then, a sweet, lilting voice
behind him said softly, "No, you are no monster. You are a man. I know
you. I—I love you."
Suddenly, the scent of flowers
filled the air around him, and the red despair, the smoking, burning town
disappeared, to be replaced by cool hands smoothing his brow. He looked up to
see the girl he needed, smiling down at him. Her hair had been turned to flames
by the sun behind her, the brilliant strands fanning out around her face. His
head had been laid in her lap. Her fingers ran through his hair, causing him to
tremble. He blinked, and gasped at what he saw.
The wind had lifted her hair
again, and he was not certain if it was a trick of the eye, or if it was some
message the gods were sending him, but for a moment…
It looked as though a
brilliant golden corona had appeared behind her head, and great
chestnut-feathered wings had risen from her back. Her luminous green eyes gazed
down at him, promising him…something…could it be the thing he knew he deserved
least? Her lips moved, saying words he could not hear…Then, he blinked, and she
was just herself, still smiling. He reached up to her face, trying to express
in words what he had just experienced, when cool oblivion took him. Just as his
eyes closed once more, he heard her speak, the words echoing quietly.
"Rest…my love."