A Spectroscope-
Chapter 2: Infliction of
Self-hatred
Sephiroth was silent as the
car sped well over the speed limits on the Upper Plate Expressway, no Police
guard daring to even stop them as they went by. Daring as the General to
invite such action with his recklessness, the police weren’t foolish enough to
stop the famous general in his infamous car. If they did- just one look
at his black expression would soon send them into a mantra of apologies and
letting him ago.
All this was caused by mere
mention of his naïve friend of him ever falling in love or hinting that someone
could love him.
It was an ignorant idea for
no person could truly understand him. Not just him as a person, but also
his personality full round, past, and his unique heritage. Humanity
contained such contradicting ideals, thoughts, and actions that were it was
sickening and Sephiroth often wondered why the Planet allowed it to still
exist.
Take the rebels he was
currently dealing with- AVALANCHE. In order to ‘save’ the Planet, they
blew up Reactors that resulted deaths of those near by and shutting down power
on certain key grids- some of which hospitals, nursing care centers, and Food
Pantries were connected to. By shutting those places down, even
partially, the group brought more death, more starvation, and even burden to
those of the Slums then Shinra did these days. Yet, they were
‘good guys’ and he, a war hero who put his life on the line to keep peace, was
considered evil.
Some slummers
even had the audacity to spat on him and tell him this to his face. He
was evil. A tyrant of Shinra. A Planet Killer.
Sephiroth snorted at those
thoughts and pushed on through his stream of consciousness, pulling his
memories and thoughts together.
Yet Zack thought someone from
that race of people would be able to accept, dare he think, love him?
Even if someone did, why would want some type of affection from such naturally
sadistic creatures? Even his own father abandoned him to the ‘care’ of an
old colleague, Professor Marcus Hojo.
His own mother was a victim
of humanity, from what he was told briefly as a child by Professor Hojo, as a
Cetra. His father was unknown, but a human that took pity on her and
sheltered her long enough to develop a relationship that resulted with him
before her death a year after his birth. What, or who, she was running
from was never revealed, but Sephiroth concluded it had to be Shinra.
After all, he thought
bitterly, it would explain why his father would pawn him off so quickly like
someone like Hojo.
From the conclusions he had drawn
about what happened to his parents and what the general had suffered through as
a child never made him bitter towards Shinra- just Hojo. It was President
Shinra himself that showed the boy kindness for the first time that ironically,
for something so simple, won the man the loyalty of Sephiroth. Who cared
about parents he never knew and, perhaps, never loved him?
He was content with the life
he led- the most powerful fighting force in existence and ancient, alien magic
at his fingers’ tips. Even climbing the Shinra Executive at such a rate
that none but a Shinra has done before. Yes, emotionally he was most
empty while not consumed by the passion he had on the battlefield, but he was
content with it. Wasn’t that enough?
As his best friend was
sorting through thoughts that were sparked, Zack was merely content with
silence between them and let the radio fill the void with music from
Sephiroth’s favorite group, Mako poiSIN.
It was death metal group, slightly harder then industrial metal band sYnthetic blade, but still had same feel and
motivation. Both bands had even been opening acts for one another last
year.
Food was a way to man’s
heart, people often say, but music was a key to a man’s heart and soul.
Zack contemplated this as the guttural voice of the lead singer slammed into
his eardrums with their hate-induced lyrics about cruelty of men’s
hearts. Through tinted glass, the band’s subject could be seen, but Zack
couldn’t care less. His thoughts drifted back where Aerith’s
band and Mako poiSin’s lyrics crossed in subject- men’s
hearts.
Aerith sang about the darkness and loneliness that consumes their
race by vicious hearts, while this band screamed about their atrocious acts
that deviant hearts do. Such similar lyrics, yet they varied so much in
messages. It reminded Zack on just how different Aerith
was the rest. She shone with hope and a better future. Her lyrics
forging a connection, a common bond, between audience members and for that evening-
no one was truly alone.
Yet, she still had a dark
glint her eye that he saw from time to time. It bothered him, but she
would wave off his concern. Such a selfless person she was. Surely
someone like Aerith- just for one night- could reach
out to Sephiroth and draw him- just for one night- out of his endless
depression that consumed several months ago- to give him a true moment of
peace.
Zack cared deeply for his
friend, for all his friends, and wanted to help Sephiroth when he notice his friend’s black moods were becoming more
rage-filled and frequent. But every time the younger SOLDIER reached out,
he was shunned, ignored, brushed off, and even victimized by a brutal
tongue. He was a loss.
Until he
heard his first song of sYnthetic blade.
Now he hoped, like everyone
else who heard their music, Sephiroth would find some hope to ease whatever was
bothering him lately. Sephiroth, in Zack’s expert opinion, needed a
connection, a bond, whatever. But something that he could
relate to in his suffering.
----
“You’re not the only one who
suffers,” the girl whispered uselessly as she was in hunched over in her
seat. “I suffer, my friends suffer… all people suffer.”
Slowly the girl brought a
rather large glass shard to her wrist. With a demure smile given, the
sharp tip broke her skin in a obscene kiss. “I
suffer more so now that you won’t be silent since my return here.”
Purple bled but became
crimson slowly around the make shift knife as it caressed itself into her
fragile flesh. “I’m going to sing. I’m going to Heal with my song,
so please…” The girl whimpered in pain that was not from the cuts she
self-inflicted, but the screams that intertwined itself with her very
essence. “Please… please, just be silent. Silent… Stop
hurting me like this…”
Screams of pain became those
of anguish, becoming slightly louder.
“Will you just shut the fuck
up and leave me be? Just for a
while!” Screamed the girl now as she stood, dropping the shard and
grabbed one of the many flower vases on her table before her. With snarl
of absolute rage, the petite hurled the vase at the wall of her dressing room,
showering the floor with glass and broken flowers.
This caught the attention of
someone and brought them knocking at her door. “Miss Gainsborough, are
you okay? Is there a problem?”
‘Yes.’ “No. Just
trying to work out the pre-show jitters and knocked over a vase.” Aerith stood in position from which she rested after
committing violence with the vase. “Just nervous, you know. It’s been
months since I’ve been home.”
How fake and pitiful her own
‘happy’ sounded to her.
The person hesitated, knowing
something was truly wrong behind the lock door but helpless against it.
“Oh-okay, just call me if you need anything. This is room that has a
private shower- so feel free to take one. I know that helps a lot of
other artist relax before a performance, you know…”
‘Whatever. Will you
just leave me alone?’ “Thank you, I’ll do that.” Aerith
replied as she slowly stripped of her attire and draped the clothing articles
over the back of her chair. Pausing for a moment, she looked down and
froze- the glass shard. Hurriedly, she bent over and picked it up.
With the utmost care, she wrapped in one of her scarves and placed it in her
bag.
The screams still echoed
through her as entered the room’s bathing area. Instead of fighting and
ignoring it, she finally gave in. After all, that’s all It wanted- someone to listen to; to understand. The
cuts on her wrist healed as saltine tears were finally free to stream down her
face.
Turning on the shower with a
shaking hand and stumbling into the stinging cold water, Aerith
allowed her pain to exposed without shame to the
silent walls. Allowed her tears to be washed away by the cleansing water,
but still the stain of the secret remained.
“Forgive me for my selfness,
Planet. Forgive your daughter.”
With those words prayed, both
Diva and Planet wept together in synch in their personal pain and each other’s
pain. Slowly, both allowed the shallow comfort of knowing they suffer not
alone ease the infliction of wounds of sorrow, anguish and regret. As
tears slowed down as screams fell silent, Aerith was
huddled naked in the shower corner.
How long did she blubber like
some weak soul person?
A distant
knock with a bellowed answer.
“Miss Aerith, we have a half hour before the
show! Let us know ASAP when you’re ready for makeup!”
Ten minutes. Ten fucking minutes.
“Kay! I’m getting out
of the shower now!” She hollered back.
Emerald eyes narrowed then.
“I hate you.” Whispered the
girl as she stood, turned off the shower, and grabbed a towel to dry herself. “I hate you Fate. I hate you so much to
make me suffer like this. Alone. To hide
what I am like some filthy secret.”
Muttering her mantra to
herself, she entered back into the dressing area and called in the designers,
make-up artist, and hair stylist to make her beautiful, no, HUMAN, for the
show. Aerith felt empty, numb, and isolated as
the room came to life as people came in. Shoved into a chair, the lead
singer of sYnthetic blade wondered if
she was truly content with her life- even if singing was her dream.
----
Author’s Note:
Yes, this is an Aeriseph. I KNOW Aerith seemed OOC while being
depressed, but wouldn’t you be suicidal and broody if you had to live with the
tortured screams of the Planet in your mind, heart, and soul? Being the
last of your kind? O.O;
I would be.
Next Chapter is ¼ done
already. Go me.
<3
-Akira