A/N:
Disclaimer: FF7, its characters and ideas are property of Squaresoft. Lyrics of “Underneath Your Clothes” are copyright of Shakira and whatever recording/producing company she’s with. Oh yeah. I’m good.
She woke to find him practicing sword katas in their spacious backyard.
It had been a long, fitful night. When had she truly slipped into the blessed darkness that was sleep? It seemed that only a couple hours later she had felt the irritating rays of the morning sun attempt to pry its way past her eyelids. She had dragged herself out of the comfortable bed and into the shower. It was the cold water that brought her to full consciousness.
Now Marianna stood transfixed, just beyond the threshold of the backdoor. Magnificent. Utterly magnificent. There was no other way to describe the sight before her.
He was perfection and his movements bespoke of a grace born only from a lifetime of dedicated practice. Such beauty! Every thrust and parry of his glorious Masamune blade was executed with cold self-assurance. Every movement of his incredible body was pure poetry.
…You own the place where all my thoughts go hiding…right under your clothes, is where I find them…
He was aware of her presence, she was certain. Nevertheless, his kata continued uninterrupted.
I should really start breakfast, She thought to herself.
Not that cooking had ever ranked among her talents. In fact, most of her memories of her attempts to create edible confections had turned out rather…
But it couldn’t be that hard to whip up some eggs and stuff right?
Heaven’s so much more convenient.
Marianna tore her eyes from the half-naked man before her for he was clad only in his familiar black pants. Well, that and the sheen of perspiration that now covered his upper body from his exertions.
Stepping through the door, she surveyed the front of the kitchen. Everything they would need for the moment would be in the refrigerator. There was a stove.
Now how did you use a pan again?
* * *
Sephiroth thrust the Masamune forward into his invisible opponent one last time before sheathing the mighty blade and executing a ritualistic bow.
When the girl had first appeared outside, he’d noticed her immediately, even though his back had been turned to her at the time. He’d pointedly ignored her and continued to move flawlessly through the complicated sword practice.
Now, he began to feel the uncomfortable sensation of hunger gnawing at his belly. Hunger had always been unpleasant, but now it brought with it an added bonus. It reminded him of his trials in Hell.
A shudder ran through his body and the fine silver hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stood on end. Suddenly the warm air and bright sunlight failed to register to his senses. His mind traveled to the countless days that he’d been imprisoned for his sins.
The darkness returned. The cold. Cold that penetrated the bones. He could feel the icy iron shackles upon his wrists and ankles again. The dank smell of fetid air assailed his nostrils and he recalled with absolute clarity the feeling of every inch of his skin being covered with lacerations that refused to heal, despite the efforts of his Mako enhanced body.
Would he ever forget? Or would these memories continue to haunt him for all eternity? Oh, such memories…
…He descended
like the Angel of Death and felt his blade slice cleanly through the back of
the kneeling girl upon the altar…
…He laughed
insanely as the entire town burned before him…
…He held his
hands up towards the sky, the Black Materia clenched between them and summoned
Meteor…
…For you, Mother…
…All for you?...
Why?
Because he’d allowed himself to be manipulated? Just like that fool Strife? Because he had been unstable, unsure, so confused… And so he’d reached for the only lifeline he could see.
His mother.
The very idea revolted him now. How could he have believed that she was his mother – that hideous thing? Now he knew the truth and it was just another knife in his heart. Did his mother – his real mother – know of the tragic fate of her only son? Yes, she knew. Of this he was certain. He could only guess what kind of shame she felt whenever she thought of her failure of a son.
The darkness continued to swirl about him. It choked him mercilessly and images of the alien Jenova assaulted his mind.
…Nothing but a
puppet. Just like that useless Strife…
No! I’m no longer held prisoner by my sins. There’s this one chance. One chance.
One chance to repent.
One chance to be forgiven.
It was not a chance that he would pass up.
He willed the darkness to disperse and through will power alone, the chill began to ebb from his body. Heavy eyelids lifted to reveal twin glowing green orbs beneath.
First a shower, he decided, and then his hunger could be abated by the breakfast that he sensed Marianna cooking. Without giving another thought to the matter, he quickly walked through the kitchen, pausing only briefly to give his companion a curt nod for a greeting.
* * *
Marianna turned back to the frying pan before her.
Oh dear.
Sephiroth’s walking through the kitchen had distracted her in the middle of pouring oil into the pan. Now she abruptly switched the position of her arm to stop the flow of oil from its container.
There was a ridiculous amount of oil in the pan.
Well, I hope he
likes deep fried eggs.
She covered her eyes with her hands in a childish gesture. Perhaps if she pretended she hadn’t goofed, then it would miraculously become reality.
No such luck.
Sigh
She glanced at the other pan on the stove.
Oh for the love
of…This sucks like nothing else…
The bacon was beyond crisp. It was, in fact, turning to charcoal.
Damn.
* * *
The cheese omelet before him was decidedly…odd…looking. The tiny, excessively shriveled bits of bacon were extremely dark and burnt. Well, at least the juice looked decent.
Inwardly, Sephiroth sighed. It appeared that he’d have to do the cooking if they were to sustain themselves for their stay on this planet. Still, she was looking at him with that ill-concealed expression that screamed, “Oh, please like it!” She knew that her skills were somewhat lacking, but she still aimed to please.
And for some unfathomable reason, he couldn’t bring himself to crush her feelings. How odd.
He took a tentative bite of his omelet as she watched silently. It wasn’t really that bad, albeit excessively greasy. How much butter did she use anyway? Actually, he supposed, she probably didn’t use butter since she doesn’t really know what she’s doing.
The bacon…well, at least it was crispy. It was so well done, however, that it had lost almost all of its intended taste.
A sigh came from across the table. “I suck, I know. You don’t have to pretend.”
“All skills improve with practice,” he responded charitably, though his voice never lost its perpetual icy quality. Once again he wondered why he felt compelled to be kind to this girl. Perhaps because she had shown him such kindness? All he knew was that if such a meal had been served to him during his years as Shinra’s youngest general, he would have bitten the head off of the cook.
But she wasn’t his servant. She was in no way his inferior – and that made all the difference.
“We’re making our first move today,” she said, changing the subject. “I figured you’d probably have some questions by now that I could answer for you.”
Indeed there seemed a thousand questions that he wanted answers to. Sadly, many were still far too dark and personal to voice.
“Tell me,” he began, “How is it that there is a Lifestream, yet there is also a Heaven and a Hell?” This was something that he’d been pondering since he’d left the land of the living. After all, the lifestream did exist, yet the path of the afterlife was nothing like all the people of the Planet had been taught.
“I figured you’d wonder about that,” she answered with a charming smile that lit up her dark eyes. “You see, the lifestream isn’t a pool of souls floating around the planet. That’s silly. It’s actually just the life-force of your planet. All planets have them, but on yours, and on this one, it’s a tangible thing that many people have had some kind of contact with.”
“But when people die, return to the planet, the lifestream is replenished?” he questioned.
“Their bodies return to the planet, yes. It’s a circle of life type of thing. Everything has to exist in balance, and the life-force of the planet is strongest when harmony is in place.”
“I see,” was his answer. “Then the souls of the deceased journey to either Heaven or Hell?”
She paused a moment before answering, “It’s more complicated than that. Where do I start?” another pause, “Life is meant to be both an incredible lesson and a test. Your actions in life are very important for determining what will happen to your soul.”
“Yes, I know.”
She cleared her throat uncomfortably, obviously reminded of the trials that he’d experienced in Hell. “When the physical body dies, a number of things can happen to the soul. Those deemed “good” get to chose where they go because a lot of the time one person’s Heaven is another’s Hell, so there’s many different ‘Heavens’.”
“Are these choices permanent?” he asked.
“’Course not!” she exclaimed good naturedly. “Heaven is all about choice. That’s why it’s so great. Unfortunately, most souls fall into the category of ‘too-good-for-eternal-damnation-but-too-many-black-marks-for-Heaven.’ These are the people sent to Hell, which like Heaven, is personalized. The time you spend in your punishment is determined by how corrupted your karma is. I think it always feels like forever though, no matter how short the actual duration is.”
He’d fallen into that category himself. That was more than surprising considering all that he’d done in his life. Could it be possible that there were others even more marred than he? Certainly her words suggested such. Was there a punishment worse than what he’d experienced?
“And once they’ve served their sentence they are sent on a mission such as this one to find redemption?”
“Generally speaking, yes,” she affirmed. “But you have to understand that you aren’t here simply to save some people’s lives and terminate some demons.”
To that he raised a single silver eyebrow in question. Was that not what their assignment briefing stated?
She shook her head, apparently saddened that he didn’t understand. “So you do some good deeds because you’re ordered to by a Goddess. Does that suddenly make you a good person? You’re here to atone for your sins and prove yourself worthy of Heaven.”
But I’m not worthy.
“By sending you out here to help the revolution, we kill two birds with the same stone,” she continued, oblivious to his silent, dark thoughts. “You have to understand Sephiroth, the most important thing for you to be concerned with right now is finding yourself. Once you do that, everything will fall into place and this assignment will practically complete itself.”
Find himself? Whatever was she talking about? He understood himself perfectly.
Do you understand what you feel about this girl? An inner voice questioned.
What I feel about this girl? She’s just another person.
Wasn’t she?
Suddenly he felt a gentle hand upon his own gloved one. He instinctively pulled away, but she held fast. And he let her.
“You have to learn to care again, Sephiroth. You spent so many years protecting your heart with a layer of ice. But you have to let that go now…”
Why was he letting her get so close to him? Why was her voice almost trembling with the passion with which she spoke? Why was she asking him for the impossible?
Was it possible for him to care again after all this time? It was so much easier not to – not to care what happened to anyone – even himself. The absence of feeling meant the absence of pain. Wasn’t it worth it to forsake whatever pleasant feelings life had to offer in order to avoid pain?
People are so fragile. People sickened, were injured. People died. So why care when it would inevitably end in despair?
And people were cruel. Hadn’t he witnessed firsthand such cruelty within the vast empire of the Shinra? Hojo, Scarlet, Heiddeggar, Shinra himself.
Sephiroth.
Yes, people were cruel. But some…
The flower girl. And this one before him.
Marianna…
Besides, he reasoned, desperately trying to organize the chaos that she’d created within his mind, he did care. He felt guilt – indescribably amounts of it. He genuinely wished to repent. What was that if not caring?
It was if she could read his thoughts and he in turn
could sense hers. It’s a beginning. But not what I’m looking for.
He continued to gaze into her liquid brown eyes transfixed. Why couldn’t he turn away?
* * *
So close.
Her thighs were almost pressed against his. If she were to lean down just a little more their lips would meet.
What would his lips taste like? What would they feel like pressed upon her own? A wave of longing coursed through her body, but it was so much more than a physical sensation.
She wanted…what did she want? Him? Oh, yes, she wanted him. But, she suddenly realized, even if he were to sweep her into his arms and kiss her until she passed out, it would be a hollow victory.
She wanted him to open up to her – to allow her into the hidden recesses of his soul. She wanted him to talk to her and let her into the universe of his pain. She wanted the impossible, for Sephiroth was not the type to talk about his problems. He would never allow her beyond the walls that he’d built around himself.
Oh, but she wanted…
Let me understand. Let me help.
“Sephiroth,” she breathed, loving the sound of his name.
His glowing, mako gaze was more than hypnotizing. She couldn’t turn away.
She felt herself inch closer.
Sephiroth…
* * *
Marianna.
Did he speak her name aloud, or had he kept it a silent, unvoiced prayer?
He could feel the warmth radiating from her body. He remembered what it had felt like the other day to hold her in his arms.
Damn it, why was it impossible to push her away? Why wasn’t he recoiling from her proximity? Why did he feel this absolutely insane urge to pull her down toward him and…
And what? What was it that he felt?
She was coming even closer now, he noticed hazily. Yet he still didn’t pull away. Another few inches and…
* * *
Then with a jerk, she snapped out of her self-induced trance. What the hell was she doing?! How thoroughly unprofessional!
She’d almost kissed him! What would have happened if she hadn’t been able to regain control of herself? What had gotten into her?
He was watching her. His steady, green gaze betrayed nothing of what he was feeling. That is, if there was anything to betray.
So be it. If he was going to be nonchalant about what had passed between them, then she would too. He was simply her charge and she was merely physically attracted to him. Nothing else.
But surely he’d felt something in that intimate moment?
She walked back to her seat at the other end of the table, determined that she would forget what had happened. It was nothing, she told herself. It was probably all just in her mind.
She forced her voice to sound cheerful, “Like I said, life is a lesson and a test, and you’ve been given a second chance at life.” If they kept talking, it would help keep her mind off of the things she didn’t want to think about.
There was an uncomfortable silence as he appeared to consider her words. Then he spoke, “Are there any other possibilities for souls after they’ve left the living?”
“There’s one other possibility,” she confirmed, “But it rarely ever happens. Those few individuals are the ones considered irredeemable.”
“And what becomes of them? Do they burn forever in the pits of Hell?”
“Hardly,” she answered, disgusted by the idea. She knew that plenty of civilizations believed that though, although she couldn’t imagine why. “The Gods aren’t sadistic. They simply do what they have to in order to keep everything running smoothly.”
“So what happens?” he asked.
“Their souls are destroyed. I know it sounds horrible, but it’s way better than eternal suffering. Hell is meant as a punishment for your sins, and lots of people think that if you go there, you stay there. But that’s pointless and sadistic.”
“And the existence of Hell isn’t? You must realize that it is a place of torture.”
“Yes,” she agreed, trying to find the right words. “But you have to realize that most of the physical torments you suffered were the manifestations of your own guilt. If you hadn’t felt any shame over your wrongdoings, then Hell would have served no purpose. It’s those souls that experience no remorse that are destroyed, for lack of any other option.”
“You’re saying that what I suffered there was caused by my mind?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes.” She looked down at the table and noticed that they had both cleared their plates during the exchange. It was time to get going. “We’re due for a meeting with the rebellion soon. There’s something you should know, so it won’t come as a complete surprise when we see them.”
He nodded for her to continue. Some action would do both of them good.
“The rebels that we’ll be working with are versions of people that you’ve met and fought against as enemies.”
“AVALANCHE?” he questioned, immediately understanding what she was hinting at.
“Yup. So you’re going to have to keep in mind that these people are NOT the same as your old enemies. They’ve never met you because there’s never been a Sephiroth on this world.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” was his unemotional answer.
With that said, they prepared for what was likely to be a messy first encounter
* * *
To say that the catacombs were depressing was an understatement, to say the least. The atmosphere down there was down right creepy! Well, Marianna reasoned, it was the final resting place of countless people. It wasn’t supposed to be happy.
The air stank of death and was musty and oppressing. Had it not been for the single torch that Sephiroth held, it would have been pitch black.
“This is where AVALANCHE holds their meetings?” came Sephiroth’s voice, tinged with disbelief and disgust.
“Is there a better place?” she retorted. She had been on pins and needles since they’d first descended into the underground graveyard and her patience had suffered for it. She did not want to be here. “Since Shinra decreed that women aren’t allowed to hold jobs, Tifa doesn’t own a bar. This place is nice and secluded and,” she paused as she carefully avoided a skull on the floor, “Creepy enough to keep most people away.”
Silence once again fell upon the pair. It was good that they were both focused on the task at hand. It prevented the mind from wandering onto topics best left buried and forgotten.
They arrived at the end of the tunnel. Before them stood a stone door that appeared unmovable. She knew for a fact, however, that every last team member of AVALANCHE was behind that door.
“Okay,” Marianna said, “You open the door and step back. I’ll go in first.”
He said nothing as he moved to carry out her order, but she could see the question in his eyes.
“I’m less scary looking,” she told him with a genuine smile, “So they’ll be less likely to attack if they see me first.”
The door was quickly opened and Marianna ducked into the tiny room before its occupants could draw their weapons. Three females, four males, a giant cat and a funny looking robotic animal all turned to stare with alarm at the stranger before them.
Marianna quickly held up her hands in a “don’t shoot” gesture. “I’m a friend,” she said.
It was evident that the team was unsure of what to do, for they all stood in battle ready positions, but varying degrees of uncertainty were apparent in their eyes. She looked harmless enough – but that didn’t mean anything.
“Why should we believe you?” one of them asked.
“Look,” she began, her mind scrambling for something reassuring to say, “If I was with Shinra and I knew you’d be down here, wouldn’t I have brought an army?”
“Well maybe you’re a spy,” the girl with short black hair and a gigantic shuriken replied while shooting a pointed look at the moogle.
“There’s nothing I can do at the moment to prove to you that I’m on your side,” she agreed, “I only want to help with the liberation movement, and I guess I was hoping that you’d take the chance and trust me.” She directed the last comment towards the pretty girl with long, braided brown hair in the back rank.
Come on Aeris, believe me.
The girl lowered her staff and stepped forward, despite the efforts of her teammates to keep her away from the intruder.
“Aeris, what are you doing!?” the blond boy asked.
She ignored him and continued walking until she was face to face with Marianna.
“I believe you,” she said in her soft, musical voice. “I don’t know why, but for some reason I feel that I should.”
Marianna smiled with relief. She’d won this one over, and she knew that the rest of AVALANCHE would follow. “Thank you. I promise you that you won’t regret it.”
“Aeris Gainborough, at your service,” the brunette executed a cute bow.
“Marianna Harmen,” Marianna replied, “And there’s someone else I’d like you to meet.”
Sephiroth stepped into the room. His impressive height almost brought his head in contact with the low ceiling. Immediately, everyone as on guard again.
“A SOLDIER!” Yuffie shrieked since she’d immediately noticed the glowing mako eyes that were the mark of all SOLDIERS. “You tricked us!”
“Hot damn, they’re swarming in!” was the rude response of the man bearing a spear-like weapon.
“It’s okay,” Marianna was quick to reassure them. “This is my partner, Sephiroth. He’s harmless.”
That wasn’t exactly true, but it wasn’t a complete lie either, she reasoned. As far as AVALANCHE was concerned, he was harmless.
He’d better be harmless.
“And he’s not a SOLDIER, he’s and ex-SOLDIER,” she added with a nod of her head towards the blond boy, “Just like Cloud.”
She could tell that it was the wrong thing to say from the way their expressions shifted to suspicion.
“How did you know my name?” asked the boy in question. The mistrust in his eyes was so evident that it almost made Marianna begin to sweat. She had to convince them that she was a good guy!
“It’s a long story. I promise that everything will be explained when the time is right.” She assured them. “Look, the bottom line is, we’re here already and we know who all of you are. At this point you have nothing to gain and a lot to lose by not believing us,” she reasoned.
Aeris turned around to address the rest of her team. “Please guys, I really think that we can trust them. Like I said, I’m not sure why I feel this way. It’s just an instinct.”
Tifa spoke up, “But Aeris, what if it’s a trap?”
“Then it’s too late. We’ve already fallen into it and SOLDIERS are surrounding us as we speak. And besides, we could use the extra help.” And then she did what Marianna had been hoping for since she’d first stepping into the chamber. She turned her irresistible, forest green eyes upon their leader. “Please Cloud?”
How could he refuse? After all, Aeris’ instincts were always right. She was in tune with the planet, so her judgment here could probably be trusted.
And they could definitely use the additional help.
* * *
During the entire exchange, Sephiroth had stood impassive, so much so that he’d almost managed to fade into the background. It seemed wise to let Marianna do the talking and convincing. His silence however, was simply an extremely effective way of concealing the surge of mixed emotions that assaulted him upon seeing the faces of his old enemies again.
Most of them he felt nothing towards. The girl – her name was Tifa, if he recalled correctly – he felt only a slight pang of remorse for as he remembered cruelly slashing her with Masamune on the steps of the Nibelheim reactor. He’d almost killed her then, but she was a strong girl and had managed to survive.
For Cloud he felt only disgust. The boy was nothing but a useless puppet. Even in this universe it would likely be easy to manipulate him. His mind was weak and malleable.
Just like yours, a snide voice remarked within the silent confines of his mind.
No! No longer. Perhaps he’d been foolish in the past. Perhaps he’d allowed Jenova to use him as he’d used Strife, but that was all in the past. It would never happen again.
Then his searching gaze had come to rest upon the Ancient. The flood of memories and regret that the sight of her brought had been staggering. How could he have so ruthlessly and mindlessly ended her pure and innocent young life, he wondered? Back then, she had been the only true innocent that he’d ever known of in a dark world full of corruption.
He remembered how easy it had been to plunge the length of Masamune into her unprotected back. He hadn’t even stopped to consider the twisted logic that Jenova had used for a reason to kill her. If he had thought himself and his mother the last Ancients of the world, and thus the rightful heirs to the planet, shouldn’t the girl have been right there by their sides?
Oh Heaven, when would he be free of this guilt?
For the moment, AVALANCHE had put away their mistrust and introductions were being made. Sephiroth elected to remain in the background. He already knew who they were from his previous life. There was no need to pretend otherwise, as Marianna was doing.
His head suddenly snapped up and turned towards the door. He heard footsteps coming from a considerable length down the corridor – many footsteps. If he wasn’t mistaken, he was hearing the tread of about a legion’s worth of armored feet.
“Marianna,” he spoke, “Someone’s coming.”
Her eyes immediately turned alert and he could see her straining to hear. The others were doing the same.
“SOLDIERS,” she noted gravely.
“What!?” shrieked Yuffie at the same time as Barret and Cid muttered some obsenities.
“You tricked us!” was Tifa’s shrill exclamation.
Sephiroth noticed the hurt and betrayal that shone in her eyes. So, he thought, Marianna actually managed to convince her that we were here to help them.
“No, Tifa. We had nothing to do with this, and we’ll prove it by helping you beat those SOLDIERS,” Marianna assured the panic stricken team. It would be no easy task to battle a legion within confines of the catacombs, but they were a strong team and she had some tricks hidden up her sleeve should they be needed. “Sephiroth, get ready to battle.”
A/N: Yeah, I said that there was going to be action in this chap, but, well, it was getting too long, so…it’ll be in the next one. Alright guys, send me your comments, please and thank you!
Oh, and that bit about Marianna’s crappy attempt to cook was taken from one of my numerous real life experiences. I burned the bacon while my friend (male) did the eggs. Here’s what happened (no joke):
Friend: What do you want for lunch?
Me: It really doesn’t matter.
Friend: How does cherry pie sound? (frozen, needs to be defrosted)
Me: Great!
(A few minutes later)
Friend: Oops.
Me: Oops?
Friend: I forgot to hit the defrost button.
Me: You nuked the cherry pie?!
Friend: Yeah. Guess we’re cooking then.
Me: Sigh. What do you want me to do?
Friend: can you do the bacon?
Me: sure. (pause while holding the package of bacon and staring blankly at the pan) uh…what am I supposed to do?
Friend: Cut the strips in half and then put them on the pan.
Me: oh.
Friend (turns around to say something, looks back at the pan that he was pouring oil into) Uh oh. Uh…I hope you like deep friend omelets.
Me: Oh god! (looking with horror at the amount of oil in the pan) whatever. *sigh* we suck.
(In the end we ate excessively greasy cheese omelets and so overcooked bacon that it was tasteless)
Friend: Wow, that was a lot of grease. (spots his mother’s muffins on a tray nearby) we should eat a muffin so that it’ll absorb the oil inside.
Me: Um, you know, it doesn’t work that way. And there’s a lot of oil in muffins eh?
Friend: Ssh.
~LS~