A/N: Sorry it’s taken so long to update, and a big, squishy thanks to you guys who’ve continued to read and review! Ack, so much to do, so little time! Well, when last we saw our heroes, they were trapped in the catacombs and preparing to do battle against an army of Shinra SOLDIERS. No prob for ridiculously powerful freedom fighters right? Uh…yeah…
Disclaimer: FF7, all its characters, settings, names and ideas are property of Squaresoft Inc.
A sudden explosion knocked all of them off their feet with one powerful blast. All around them, the inner walls of the catacombs were turned to mere piles of dust that scattered into the air obscuring their vision and making breathing a pain.
Quickly picking himself up and readying Masamune, Sephiroth surveyed the situation calmly; taking note that while everything around them had been decimated, his teammates and he were basically unharmed. How odd. Glancing behind, he saw that they had maneuvered themselves so that they formed a circle with their backs to each other in preparation for an all out attack that would certainly come from all sides. He didn’t find it surprising that Aeris and Marianna had placed themselves within the center of the circle. Marianna had her eyes closed in concentration and he could just barely detect the movement of her lips casting some sort of spell.
Sephiroth tore his eyes from her lips and turned once again to face the approaching enemy. Deep within his veins he felt the familiar surge of adrenaline, of excitement that had always coursed through him during a battle. For a moment, he felt a distinct pang of guilt. Perhaps that feeling was wrong. After all, many would lose their lives today. This was no game.
But then again, death was an integral part of life. And sometimes, there was no choice but to fight. To fight was human nature.
Without even realizing it, he was already engaged in battle. A lifetime of military training had made his movements completely instinctive. This was a time of action. To dwell on philosophical ideals of life was a luxury did not belong to him at the moment. Now it was fight or die. The world faded out of existence until it was essentially a black void consisting of only him, his allies, and his enemies. Strengthened by the knowledge that he was fighting for the right side this time, he matched his opponents blow for blow with renewed vigor.
They came at him continuously, and it seemed that for every man he removed from the battle, three more took his place. How many SOLDIERS had Shinra sent anyways? Spells flew everywhere from both sides of the battle and screams of agony mingled with the clang of steel against steel and gunfire in a terrible cacophony of death. They were impossibly outnumbered – surrounded on all sides by an entire army of well trained and competent men. Alone, they were nothing compared to the skill that the individuals of AVALANCHE possessed, but together, they had a distinct advantage over the freedom fighters,
This time you’re doing the right thing, he reminded himself. The knowledge seemed to strengthen his attacks and make his strikes more accurate. Don’t forget, there’s an agent of Heaven fighting right alongside you.
Remembering that she was there and that she could be in danger, he quickly disposed of his opponents, careful not to kill them if at all possible. Glancing to his side, he felt his entire body freeze in horror at what he saw.
There she was in the exact same position she had been in before the melee had begun. Eyes closed, lips moving ever so slightly and looking so serene and out of place in the center of the chaotic battle. If he had not known better, he would have sworn that she had fallen asleep while standing. And then, he saw a SOLDIER charge towards her still form with sword raised and held at the level of her heart. In the split second before he was able to command his legs to move he felt something that he had not experienced since his helpless, detested years as a child. Not even during his Judgment had he felt this horrible emotion that now tore at his heart.
Fear.
And complete and utter helplessness. He would never reach her in time, yet he ran.
Images raced through his head, vivid and terrifying in their clarity. Images that he would rather not see. In his mind’s eye, he saw her impaled upon the sword, her eyes open in surprise and shock. And then her eyelids began to droop as the light of her life was extinguished from her eyes. He saw her fall forward, robbed of her right to a long and happy life. With a start he realized that his vision must have been very similar to what Aeris had looked like when he’d killed her. Then…then, was he feeling what Cloud had felt watching Aeris die?
“No!” he heard his voice scream.
But then something incredible happened. At the moment when the man’s sword should have pierced through her flesh, there was instead a flaring of electric blue light around her body that not only completely halted the progress of the deadly blade that would have pierced her heart, but also caused the SOLDIER and his weapon to fly backwards as if hit by an immense force.
By the Gods, what kind of a barrier was that? Even he couldn’t erect a shield that powerful. Barrier and Wall were wonderful spells, true, but they only lessened the impact of an attack. What kind of spell was she casting? Still standing foolishly transfixed, he watched as her forehead creased and her hands clenched into fists by her sides. Suddenly an entire group of SOLDIERS - that had been about to attack him while his guard was down - collapsed and fell to the ground in a careless heap.
Sparing Marianna one last glance before returning to the fight, he saw that she had fallen to her knees and was breathing heavily. She had also gone pale, but there was no time to worry about that. The sooner they finished the battle, the sooner he could get her out of this deathtrap. Shaking off the last traces of the icy feeling of terror that still clung stubbornly to him, he cast a powerful Demi spell upon the men before him.
Unaware of what he was doing, he began to move closer and closer to where Marianna was still kneeling. Though he wasn’t fully conscious of it, he knew on some level that he was doing it to make sure no more SOLDIERS could come near her. Who knew when she’d become too weak to sustain that shield of hers?
He was just protecting his teammate, he reminded himself. Nothing more.
* * *
Marianna wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. The strain was just too much and she hadn’t had any practice with her magic in such a long time! Too late, she realized her mistake – instead of trying to support the entire team, she should have focused her energy on a select few members closest to her. She also shouldn’t have spared the precious strength that it had taken to knock out that entire group of men that had been about to attack Sephiroth from behind. If she hadn’t done that she could have easily lasted the duration of the fight.
At the same time that she recognized her tactical mistakes, she knew that she couldn’t have done anything else. The others were too busy fighting for their lives to realize that she’d cast powerful protective spells over each and every one of them, but the damage that they had sustained was greatly lessened by her barriers. She simply couldn’t handle the thought of her teammates suffering when she had the ability to help them.
And when she’d protected Sephiroth by taking out several men that could have killed him, well, how could she have done anything else? She had sensed his distraction caused by her near-death encounter and then had felt the presences of those SOLDIERS that would have struck him from behind while he was unprepared. It hadn’t mattered that having to throw that shield up moments earlier to protect her very life had really drained her. Oh sure, it all looked effortless enough, but only she could tell just how much of her strength that spell had cost her.
It didn’t help that attack spells were so damn difficult for her to cast. Her magic was almost exclusively defense and support based and knocking out several people had been no easy task.
Which was exactly why she was in her current position, which just happened to be extremely dangerous.
Why did things always have to end up like this for her?
Blocking out all other thoughts, specifically about how tired she was becoming and how breathing had suddenly become a chore, she returned her concentration to sustaining the shields around her team. If they could just hold out a little longer…
“Uh, guys?” she heard Yuffie’s strained voice yell above the unbearable clamor of swords and gunfire. “This doesn’t look good.”
“Shut yer mouth and fight kiddo!” came Cid’s gruff response.
Without opening her eyes, Marianna took stock of the situation. Yuffie was right; it really didn’t look good for their side. She sensed that her friends were all bruised and bleeding and that their strength was waning. That in itself wasn’t too big of a problem. Unfortunately, the enemy seemed to keep coming, no matter how many SOLDIERS they disposed of. It seemed that Shinra had bet all of their chips on this one confrontation and sent all the men they could spare to crush AVALANCHE. It was a miracle that they had lasted this long.
Sephiroth was right beside her, doing his best to fight off the attacking hordes. Even with his mastered materia and his exceptional skill and experience on the battlefield, he was beginning to weary.
Odd, Marianna thought, He shouldn’t have sustained so many injuries.
Then she understood why he wasn’t performing as well in the fight as he should have. He was protecting her. He was trying to keep her safe while fighting off the advancing SOLDIERS and attempting to watch his own back.
If this battle didn’t end soon, they would all die.
Just then, she felt a presence coming towards her with the intent to kill. She tried desperately to either move or throw up her shield again but neither happened. Her body was paralyzed with fear and she couldn’t protect herself magically while using her power to protect the team. And Sephiroth was on the other side of her.
She was going to die.
Not that it really mattered. She didn’t belong on this plane anyway, but the thought of failing the mission galled her.
Suddenly she was knocked off of her knees so that she was sprawled haphazardly upon the hard packed dirt floor of the destroyed catacombs. With a very large, very heavy, and very masculine body covering hers.
As the impact forced the air from her lungs, her head began to spin and she lost her concentration. All of her protective spells collapsed and she found herself struggling to breathe, recast the barriers, and figure out what the hell just happened at the same time. A muffled groan of pain from the form above her slammed her back into reality and she realized too late what had happened.
Sephiroth must have thrown himself over her when he noticed the SOLDIER attacking.
You idiot! She mentally screamed at him while feeling incredibly grateful. You could have gotten yourself killed! Luckily, she could feel that he was still alive and kicking. He was, however, hurt very badly.
She forced her tired eyes open in time to see him pick himself up off of her with great effort while muttering a few oaths beneath his breath. Turning from her, he knocked her assailant out cold with one swift movement.
Seeing the blood that ran freely down his chest and back to pool at his feet, she couldn’t hold back her cry of despair.
Sephiroth looked back at her then and she could see the pain in his eyes that he was desperately trying to conceal. “Are you hurt?” he asked. The worry in his voice was not lost on her.
Oh he does care. Marianna suddenly felt that her chest would burst from the incredible emotions that threatened to spill forward in the form of tears. He had saved her life, and now he was concerned that she had been hurt when he was now sporting a near fatal chest wound!
She quickly shook her head to tell him that she was fine. Quelling the almost irresistible urge to run to him and heal him, she ran in the opposite direction towards the girl that she needed to help her end this futile battle. She wanted to take him in her arms and absorb all of his pain into herself, but no doubt they would both be killed if she took the time to do that.
“Aeris!” she called. “Aeris, I need your help!” An idea had begun to form in her mind.
An excruciatingly painful burning sensation assaulted her right side, but she didn’t bother to assess the damage. It was a Fire spell that had mainly singed her arm, and though agonizing, it wasn’t enough to get in the way of her determination to finish the battle. Now.
A SOLDIER lunged at her with his sword and she launched herself to the side, but not before the blade managed to slice a shallow gash in her side. “Aeris!” she called again, clutching the wound. The man was already on the ground, frozen solid by someone’s Ice spell.
The sweet brunette finally arrived at her side, trusting her completely.
“Do you have a plan?” she asked. She too knew that they wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer,
“Yes,” Marianna answered, gasping for breath and trying desperately to stay conscious. “I need you to cast reflect on all of us and then cast Stop on all of us. Can you do that?”
She noticed a SOLDIER charging towards them out of the corner of her eye, and without thinking, shoved Aeris aside so that they both tumbled out of the way. In the blink of an eye, both Sephiroth and Cloud were by them, driving back the men that would dare threaten their teammates.
It bothered her that she had to depend on the guys to keep her out of harm in fights like this. Then again, part of being a good team player was knowing and accepting your own strengths and weaknesses. Being safely tucked away in the back rank allowed the spell casters to do what they did best while their counterparts fought at the front doing what they excelled at.
A Demi spell, most likely from Sephiroth, effectively eliminated their immediate enemies and bought Marianna enough time to cast the spell she needed for her plan to work. It was a fairly powerful spell, although on its own it was useless. Coupled with what she had asked Aeris to cast however, it should prove quite useful. If only it hadn’t taken her so long to remember that particular incantation!
“Aeris?” she called, straining to be heard.
“Hm?” came her reply.
“How are those Reflects coming?” Marianna asked while glancing around her and praying that her teammates weren’t too badly hurt. Gods, she had never seen so much blood!
“Almost done. Are you sure this will work?” Aeris yelled back.
“I had better be,” Marianna mumbled to herself, not wanting to upset Aeris with her own uncertainty. To Aeris she replied, “Of course! Once that’s done, keep casting Stop as quickly as you can.” With that said, she took a deep breath and began to summon her last traces of energy in preparation for one final spell.
Come on Fortuna, she prayed. Please help me.
* * *
What in the world were the girls doing? Sephiroth wondered. He had heard their verbal exchange, but still failed to see how a bunch of Stop spells would bring them victory. Perhaps it was just one last desperate maneuver to buy time in hopes for a miracle.
He was bleeding profusely and the pain that screamed throughout his body was damn near unbearable, but he fought on. Pivoting on his heel, he brought up Masamune to block the thrust of an enemy sword at the last moment. Out of the corner of his vision he saw someone take aim with a rifle and instinctively threw himself to the side in time to save his life.
There wasn’t enough time to cast any healing spells and he suddenly realized that since the moment he had used his own body to protect Marianna, the damage that the enemy was able to inflict on him had grown considerably. It was as if a protective barrier that he had not been aware of previously had suddenly disappeared, leaving him to fend for himself. Had she been protecting him all that time?
All of a sudden, he heard a female voice – Aeris’s most likely – scream out, “Stop!” and his concentration was shattered. Even as he mentally kicked himself for being distracted by something as trivial and common as a teammate casting a spell, he turned towards the two girls that stood close to his side. Everyone else in the destroyed labyrinth had also turned towards the Cetra. Many no doubt thought that she was pleading for a ceasefire.
At that moment, the spell flew from the girl’s hands and towards all of the members of AVALANCHE and their two new allies. Sephiroth didn’t even blink, knowing with certainty that there was a Reflect spell protecting him. What happened next though, stunned everyone.
The spell bounced off them as expected, but instead of just striking a few random SOLDIERS around them, each Stop incantation flew towards the strange cloudy area directly above Aeris and Marianna’s heads. Then, as if the dark, wispy material that hung in the air like a phantom were in fact millions of tiny mirrors, the spells were suddenly thrown in all directions at once. Blazing trails of green filled the catacombs wall to wall, striking the astonished SOLDIERS and freezing them in place. Almost everyone on the sub-terrain battleground tried to dive for cover including the astounded members of AVALANCHE, but the spells continued to fly. Some struck the Reflect spells only to be deflected back into the cloud for the process to be repeated.
An instant later, the catacombs were returned to the silence that had always reigned supreme, broken only by the labored breathing of the handful of fighters that remained mobile.
“What was that?” Tifa managed to ask through her gasping, being the first to collect her senses.
“There’s no time for that right now,” Marianna responded weakly. Sephiroth’s heart lurched as he took note of the large gash across her side and the burn marks along one arm. Her sleeve had been burned away and her close fitting shirt was soaked through with blood where she’d been cut. Whatever he was feeling, it was an uncomfortable sensation; one that he wasn’t used to and did not enjoy in the least.
Yuffie sputtered incoherently, “But…how…I…What’s going on?” No doubt she was thinking of the kind of materia that Marianna must have used to cast that spell and how she might go about getting her hands on it…
“Does anyone have the Exit materia?” Marianna spoke, ignoring Yuffie for the moment while pressing her hand to the cut in her side in obvious pain. “We have to get out of here now.”
It was Vincent that answered with an affirmative. “But the Exit spell will only bring us out of this place. There might be more SOLDIERS waiting above.”
“I know,” she told him, “Just trust me, okay. I’ll explain everything once we’re safe.” With that, she limped over to where Vincent stood and placed her hand over the green orb that he indicated was the Exit materia. “Alright. Cast it.”
There was a strange floating sensation, followed by the sudden elimination of all sight, and then they were in the living room of Sephiroth and Marianna’s house.
Relief, surprise, and confusion were the predominant emotions that almost everyone in the room experienced right then. Exhaustion could come later.
“Where are we?” Cloud asked as his eyes roamed over the serene blue walls and tasteful furnishings of the cozy little room.
“Our house,” Marianna answered through her ragged breaths. “Safe.” And with that, she slid to the ground. The stress of the day had finally become more than she could handle.
Sephiroth didn’t know what had come over him since they’d arrived on the planet, but the next thing he knew, he’d picked up Marianna gently and was heading towards the stairs to take her up to her room.
“Sephiroth?” Aeris’ soft voice broke through the uncomfortable silence that followed. “Would you mind if we spent the night? There’s a lot that still needs to be said. After we’ve all recovered, that is.”
“Of course,” Sephiroth answered over his shoulder, stoic and expressionless as always even though his chest wound was screaming in protest to his movements. “Make yourselves at home.”
“So we just s‘posed ta stay here huh?” Barret asked. The distrust in his voice was blatantly obvious. “You two got a lotta explainin’ to do. And how do we know that you ain’t gunna call them Shinra?”
Surprisingly enough, it was Cloud that cut in a saved Sephiroth the trouble of replying, and possibly getting angry with the insolent, ungrateful man. “Barret, come on, they just saved our lives.”
“Yeah?” the older man sneered. “Maybe they were de ones that told Shinra where ta find us.”
“Barret please,” Tifa said just as Red XIII stated, “If that was true then they had us exactly where they wanted us. We would be dead right now if it wasn’t for Marianna and,” he paused, “Sephiroth, wasn’t it?”
Sephiroth nodded towards him to indicate that that the creature’s memory of his name was correct. “We are not in league with Shinra,” he assured them. “Right now, we all need to rest. Tomorrow, Marianna will answer any questions you have.” Right now, however, he wanted to get upstairs and put the unconscious girl in his arms down. Not because she was heavy, for she was actually quite light, but it was making him uncomfortable having to cradle her limp body against his battered chest.
“Marianna will answer questions, eh? Why not you?” Cid asked.
“Because,” Sephiroth responded with patience that he did not feel, “Once she’s recovered, she’ll be in a better position to explain everything that I am.” With that, he turned back towards the staircase, leaving the unsure, but grudgingly grateful members of AVALANCHE to their own devices.
He lowered Marianna carefully into her sunny yellow bed and proceeded to draw the covers up to cover her damaged body. He quickly cast a few Cure spells on her to help speed up her body’s natural healing process and then hurried out of her room lest he be tempted to stay.
But why in the world would he be tempted to do that? She’d be fine. Nothing was going to happen to her in the sanctuary of her bedroom and Heaven was probably keeping an eye out for her anyway. Nevertheless, he couldn’t check the urge to glance at her one last time before retreating to his own room.
She was sleeping peacefully of course. She looked so young and innocent. Just how old was she? He wondered, only to remember that age was completely irrelevant in her case. She wasn’t a mortal experiencing life with no memory of any past lives she might have led. She had already lived at least once, and now worked among the ranks of Heaven. She was probably impossibly old, but that didn’t matter. Technically, almost everyone was “impossibly old.” They just weren’t aware of it.
Finally turning away, he strode into his room and shut the door quietly behind him. Stripping off his ruined garments, he examined his injuries. Burn marks, gashes, bullet wounds and blood covered his previously flawless skin. He was a mess, but normally that wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest. Unfortunately, the sight of his broken body now reminded him of his trials in Hell.
Damn it! Would he ever be free of the torturous memories of that God forsaken place? Or were they still punishing him, even now, for his sins? He deserved it, he supposed, but that didn’t mean that he liked it.
Suddenly overcome with fatigue, he climbed into his large, cold bed without bothering with any Cure spells. His body would heal quickly on its own. It always did. And in the end, there wouldn’t be a single scar to show for it.
Life is a Test. A Journey. A Lesson. Was that
not what She’d
said? What else had she told him?
What was he supposed to learn this time around?
As the darkness claimed him and consciousness faded, the questions drifted away to be replaced with endless, oppressive darkness. And somewhere in all the emptiness, there was the memory of a pair of soft, feminine hands that glided over his skin to take away the pain. From his body, and his soul.
* * *
Marianna’s eyes snapped open, though she continued to lie unmoving on her bed. Something was wrong with Sephiroth. She could feel it. Without giving it a second thought, she jumped to her feet, wincing as her arm and side, the only parts of her body that had been hurt in the fight, protested against her sudden movement. Luckily, her injuries hadn’t been serious to begin with, and they were almost completely healed. It had mainly been pure exhaustion that had caused her to pass out earlier.
Treading quietly across the short span of hallway that separated her bedroom from his, she paused to try and detect any trace of sound in the house. Not a sound could be heard throughout the small house, which meant that everyone was probably fast asleep.
Marianna fidgeted with uncertainty for a moment longer before deciding to obey the commands of her instincts. She turned the doorknob carefully and pushed open the door, wincing as the slight squeaking of the hinges.
What are you doing here? Don’t you think you should have knocked or something? One side of her mind asked. It was, of course, her logical, reserved side that tried to think things through and rationalize before acting.
Too bad the other side seemed to be winning this time. Something just doesn’t feel right. Sephiroth…
What about
Sephiroth? Her mind argued back. He’ll
probably just yell at you for barging into his room without knocking and then
you’ll feel stupid and self conscious.
But she had already started moving into the room and pushed the door almost shut behind her. The room was illuminated only by the faint light of the moon that managed to seep through the closed blinds. She could just make out Sephiroth’s still form on the bed that dominated the center of the room.
There, you see.
He’s fine. Now get out of here!
Alright. You were right. I’m paranoid. Just let me take a closer look to make sure and then I’ll go back to bed.
What fun arguing with yourself
is, she thought dryly. You really are
crazy, dear.
Tiptoeing to his bedside, she leaned towards him, hoping that he wouldn’t wake up and cause an embarrassing scene. When she got a close look at his face, however, she immediately knew that she’d been right to come here.
He was in pain! Though he lay unmoving and peacefully silent, the pinched expression on his face made it clear to her. Whatever he was seeing was hurting him greatly and she couldn’t stand to see him like that. Glancing down his body, she saw that the covers had slipped down, exposing a chest that was still covered in horrible lacerations. They had stopped bleeding, but they had hardly healed at all since they’d left the catacombs.
Gently placing one hand on his shoulder while the other went automatically to his cheek, she began to carefully shake him. His skin was like ice under her fingertips.
“Sephiroth,” she called softly. “Sephiroth, please. Wake up.”
* * *
No! His mind screamed. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening!
It was so dark. So cold. This couldn’t be real.
But it felt so real. And he was frozen there, unable to tear his eyes away.
It had begun the same way as most of his nightmares. There was the blinding, suffocating darkness and physical pain that always followed. It felt as if he was being ripped apart. And there was the incredible longing. Longing for the sunlight – the light and warmth that he’d always been denied.
Not just in Hell either, but denied all his life. Not the type of light that came from a bright fluorescent halogen bulb, nor the type of warmth that flowed from the heaters in the Shinra tower. He couldn’t explain it. Hell, he couldn’t even understand it himself.
But then, it had changed. The darkness, the cold, the pain – they were all taken away in a bright flash, and he found himself standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk that he recognized as being a part of Kalm, not far from the house that he and Marianna were sharing. He had started running before he even realized it. It was as if his legs instinctively knew where to take him. As if he was being drawn…
Into a dark alley where three figures stood. Two males and…her.
The men were strangely beautiful – well built and shaped, and yet there something that was almost unbearably ugly about them. He didn’t understand it, but when had that ever mattered? The important thing was that they had Marianna, with her hands bound securely behind her back and a strange, thin black collar around her neck.
And they were torturing her.
The lingering feeling of ice on his body returned with a vengeance, making him gasp just as a scream was wrenched from Marianna’s lips. The ice no longer mattered though. It was nothing compared to what he was being forced to watch.
The man – no, the demon, for now he was certain that was what the two sinister, yet beautiful creatures were – that had been holding Marianna upright while his counterpart drew a knife slowly across the front of her body dropped her. She fell forwards, in too much pain to keep herself standing. The one with the knife lowered himself to a crouch before her and tilted her head up with the blade. His lips moved and Marianna said something in reply, but Sephiroth could hear none of the exchange. It was like watching a movie in mute.
He wanted to rush forward and impale the demon on Masamune. To Hell with his vow not to kill unless absolutely necessary! Then the demon slapped the girl, snapping her head to the side with the force of the blow. The other dragged her to her feet and once she was standing again, the one with the knife reached towards her to take hold of the waist of her skirt. With one swift motion he ripped the brief garment off of her body and spoke again to Marianna.
What did they want from her? Sephiroth felt like he was about to go mad, being frozen in place and unable to do anything but watch in horror. What in Hell’s name was going on?! He tried to cling to the thought that this was just a dream. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.
But Gods, it looked and felt so very real.
The demon had finished with whatever he had said to Marianna and now she was turning her face away from him, and closing her eyes as if she was trying desperately to pretend it wasn’t happening. The knife came down upon her flesh again, this time to trail leisurely down her bare upper arm. Her fists tightened and Sephiroth could see her do everything in her power to choke back a cry of pain.
What he felt was like nothing he’d ever experienced. It was so acute, so sharp, that it was almost like a physical pain. Perhaps it even was a physical pain – in the vicinity of his heart. To see her violated and in such pain…it was just too much!
No! His mind screamed Stop! He didn’t want to see anymore. He wanted this terrible feeling that was threatening to suffocate him to go away. It was worse than physical. So much deeper. He didn’t bother to wonder why he felt this way or why he cared that much. He just did.
He began to fight the frozen sensation with strength born of a black fury that he’d never known before. It was frightening – this uncontrollable hurricane of emotion that he didn’t understand and didn’t want.
He cursed. He didn’t want this. Hell, he didn’t even know what this was! What was happening to him?
He tried to shut his eyes against the tormenting vision before him but found all his efforts useless. He couldn’t shut out the image of the blade coming down with horrifying precision, slashing, tearing, opening countless bloody wounds that weren’t deadly, but painful nonetheless.
“Sephiroth,” he heard a voice call. It was her voice! But how…? “Sephiroth, please. Wake up!”
So he was dreaming? Oh, how he hoped he was!
“Please, Sephiroth!” he voice continued to plead from somewhere far away, softly calling him to return to her.
It happened so suddenly that he was caught completely off guard. The dream disappeared without warning and he was back in his bedroom, bolting upright with one hand holding his head.
He felt an overwhelming feeling of relief. Just a dream. A silly, foolish, meaningless dream. Wasn’t it? Or was it in fact a vision? A warning?
He turned his head to find Marianna there by his side, looking at him with all of her concern shining in her dark eyes. The next thing he knew, his hand had come up gently to her cheek and he was exploring the skin there with both his eyes and his fingertips. He needed to reassure himself that what’d he had seen had been purely in his mind. Her unbroken skin confirmed that, and he felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his chest.
He let his hand fall back down to rest on the bed and then hers moved to cover it affectionately. Normally, he would have shaken it off, but for now…
“Sephiroth, what happened?” she asked, her voice a mere whisper in the silence of the night.
He shook his head and looked away from her. How could he possibly tell her what he’d seen? “Nothing,” he assured her with a calmness he didn’t feel. “It was just a dream.”
“Must have been a pretty terrible dream then,” she said. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before retracting hers and placing it in her lap. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Of course,” he answered gruffly. He couldn’t believe she’d caught him trapped in some nightmare. It was discomforting. “Why are you here?”
She looked startled at that, and hurt, but he refused to let that bother him. Why should it?
“I…um, well, I felt that there was something wrong.”
Felt? So then he hadn’t been crying out like a child in the middle of the night. That knowledge soothed his wounded pride.
To her, he merely nodded his head, unwilling to say any more. He wished that she would go away and leave him in peace, but at the same time, he didn’t want her to leave.
“I never thanked you for, well, saving my life back there.” She told him quietly.
He shrugged his response and glanced at her to see that her eyes were downcast. What was she thinking, he wondered? And how had she known that something had been wrong with him earlier?
“At the beginning of the battle,” he began, “It was like there was a shield around me. Was that you?”
She nodded her affirmation. “Most of the spells I can cast are defense or support based. So I’m useless in a one-on-one fight.”
“Most?” Sephiroth asked with slight lift of one silver eyebrow.
“Well, I know one or two attack spells. But they’re a lot harder for me to cast. I guess it’s because I really don’t believe in fighting. I prefer healing.” She told him.
Sephiroth could hear the passion in her voice as she said that, and it confused him. “You don’t believe in fighting, and yet you do. And you prefer healing when it causes you pain?” He was, of course, referring to her ability to absorb another’s pain into herself, and she knew it.
“I don’t believe in it, but I understand that sometimes there’s no choice but to fight. Sometimes it’s so much worse if you don’t fight. That’s why my magic is the way it is.” She tried to explain, “I can’t handle killing anyone or even really hurting anyone. So it just works out better if I stay in the background and help protect my team. How typically girly, huh?”
Girly? Perhaps, it was, but the way she explained her feelings to him – he understood. She was an innocent, as he’d guessed before. So when she was forced to fight, she did so in the only way she could.
Instead of voicing his thoughts out loud however, he said, “And the healing?”
“What about it?” she asked. “The pain is a small price to pay to be able to ease someone’s suffering. After all, it only lasts as long as it takes to repair the body. Which reminds me - you’re still covered in injuries.”
At this, he glanced down at his body, which was bare to the waist. The rest was covered by the sheets. To his horror, his body looked exactly the same as it had when he’d first fallen asleep. Thankfully, he didn’t feel any pain, but he hadn’t healed at all.
“I don’t understand,” he said, his voice unbelieving. “I should have been almost completely healed by now.”
She didn’t reply immediately, but when she did, her answer didn’t come as a surprise to him.
“It’s because Jenova isn’t with you anymore. Without her presence, your abilities have been reduced from what you were used to before you died.”
He should have known! Hadn’t he felt the difference in the heat of battle? Yes, he’d felt it. He had been a much weaker fighter than he was used to, but he’d shrugged it off as a side effect from spending all of that time in Hell unable to move.
Marianna’s voice broke him out of his contemplation. “Let me heal you?” she asked timidly.
He looked up into her dark, sincere eyes. Now it was unmistakable. She wanted to heal him. The first time it had happened, in her bedroom back on the 9th plane of Heaven, he had wondered why she would do something like that for him. He had wondered why she would willingly hurt for him. And then he’d learned that he had become her duty. But now…
It had nothing to do with duty, he realized. It had everything to do with compassion. Though she hadn’t quite said it, he knew with a strange certainty that she loved to heal. And it wasn’t for the gratitude that would inevitably follow either. But at that moment, it wasn’t just compassion either. Not if the incredible longing that shone from her eyes meant anything.
So many women had looked at him with different expressions throughout his years of adulthood. The most common expression had by far been pure, unadulterated lust. They had wanted him for one reason or another, and they hadn’t bothered to hide it. What Marianna was showing him now though, was an emotion that he’d never seen directed at him before. But what was it? And more importantly, why?
He nodded his head finally, and she motioned for him to lie down. He never took his eyes off of her face as she took a deep breath and placed her hands gently upon his chest. Her eyelids slowly shut and he felt her magic begin to work.
There was incredible heat, wonderful warmth. Compared to the iciness that had held him in a death grip before she’d come, it was a feeling that was more than welcome. Her hands glided downwards, erasing the cuts and gouges as they traveled lightly over his skin. This time she didn’t scream in pain. There was only a tightening of her lips and a slight furrow of her brow.
Then, all too soon, it was over. She withdrew her hands and with them, the comforting warmth. He had the sudden, crazy, urge to draw her into his arms and bury his face into the hollow of her throat; feel her steady heartbeat under his lips. He didn’t, of course, but he couldn’t help but feel a distinct sense of loss now that they were back to keeping a polite distance between their bodies.
But distance was good! He’d always strived to keep distance between himself and any other person. To get attached was to leave yourself open for attack. To feel was to leave yourself open for pain. And to love…to love was a foolish fantasy constructed by poets and dreamers who knew nothing of the bitter truth of reality.
Love was an illusion that clouded your judgment. Love was a weakness.
* * *
Oh, Heaven! It was like sweet torture – touching him, being so close, and yet entirely unable to do what she wanted to do. Marianna felt the heat of her healing magic flare between his skin and her hands, felt, and welcomed the pain that flowed from his body into hers. It meant that he would stop hurting, and that thought made her smile.
Where had her nervousness disappeared to, she wondered? It was almost as if she’d become comfortable around him; a great improvement from the skittish and unsure girl that she’d been before when he was around. When he was there, she always became so aware of herself and even more aware of him. Now they were here, in the silent haven of his dark bedroom, and she wanted…
She wanted to fall onto him. No, that wasn’t quite it. She wanted to fall into him. To touch his soul and explore everything about him that that there was to explore. She knew everything there was to know about him, and yet he remained a mysterious stranger. To her, he was darkly fascinating and utterly desirable. She wanted to break through the barriers of ice cold stone that he’d erected around his heart to protect himself and show him that the world wasn’t as cruel as he’d grown up thinking. She wanted to show him that love did exist.
She knew intuitively that he probably scoffed at the idea of love – love of any kind. Had he ever witnessed true love in any form in his life? Not likely, considering his bitter childhood and his subsequent military career. He probably believed that love was a weakness, she thought wryly, just like all of those typical macho male characters. But it wasn’t at all! Didn’t they say that the most dangerous place in the world was between a mother and her child?
Love did not make a person weak! Love was the ultimate achievement of life. Love was the deepest, most profound relationship that two beings could have. Love was something that even the mighty Gods had to respect and honor.
But the wonders and pleasures of love came with the price of pain. For all sweet fruit, there is a bitter core. For all the joy of life, there is the inevitable agony of loss and betrayal.
But wasn’t it worth it? Ah, to taste the forbidden fruit.
“Sephiroth,” she began, only to let her sentence trail into nothingness. What could she possibly say? She couldn’t even sort out her thoughts and emotions in the privacy of her mind. How could she possibly express something in words when she still wasn’t certain what that “something” was?
“Thank you for healing me,” He said, and though his words were kind and polite, his tone told her more than she wanted to hear. His voice was back to sounding aloof and detached, cold and uncaring. As if they weren’t sharing a deliciously intimate moment in the quiet of the night. On his bed no less!
Then his voice came again, “Perhaps you should return to your room?”
Oh, that had hurt. How could he just…when…Oh, what in the name of Heaven was wrong with her?
You’re such an idiot, she admonished herself. What did you think would happen? Did you honestly think that he’d feel the same way you do?
How ironic it was that his words had cut into her like the lash of a whip, only to have her own mind rub salt in the newly opened wound.
But he’d saved her life! He’d risked himself to protect her, and he’d shown concern back in the catacombs when he thought she’d been hurt. Surely it had to mean something! If only…
“Oh. Alright,” she managed, proud that her voice didn’t crack.
Perhaps saving her hadn’t meant
anything at all. Maybe he had just felt obligated to protect her because she
was the partner that he had to accept regardless of his feelings on the matter.
Or maybe he’d thought that the mission would’ve been forfeit if she’d died. Yes,
that was probably it.
Now she had to face the facts. He didn’t want her in his world. In fact, aside from saving her today, which she had just rationalized, he had never given her any reason to believe that they could be anything more than mere acquaintances. Besides, he clearly preferred being alone. It was safer that way, after all.
But, there was a difference between the mask that the world saw and the face that was truly your own, and she knew that all too well. If it hadn’t been for her own experiences with concealing emotions, she would have left him to the loneliness that he seemed to desire. If it hadn’t been for the fact that she could almost swear he wanted her to stay, no matter how he might act, she would have left right then with a quick goodbye. She would have retreated into the safety of her room where unfathomable mako green eyes would haunt her dreams for the rest of the night.
Instead, she didn’t move from her position, perched on the edge of his bed, gazing at him where he sat leaning against the headboard. If she had been as beautiful as her mother she would have felt sure enough to make the first move that would change everything. If she had been as eloquent and confident as her father she would have told him exactly how she felt and go from there. But she was neither her irresistible mother nor her self-assured father.
She was Marianna, who had always lived in the shadow of her incomparable parents. So she waited. And she hoped that he would give her some sign that would tell her that she was right and that he did in fact want her to stay with him. In whatever way.
But he did nothing.
He merely returned her searching gaze with his own unreadable one. Inside, she cursed his ability to hide his feelings. Why did he have to be so damn good at it?
They continued to fall into each other’s eyes, as if paralyzed and unable to move. And at that exact instant, she felt as if a small part of her died.
For it would take a miracle to crack through that impenetrable armor he wore to protect himself. He would never share his deepest, most private thoughts and feelings with her, and they would never be anything more than polite acquaintances sharing a mission.
Perhaps it was just as well. Perhaps…perhaps Sephiroth was right to protect himself from emotion.
Sometimes it was just too painful.
A/N: Phew, this chapter took me forever to write and I have no idea why. So, what do you think? Please tell me. Please! Next time: The stories of AVALANCHE, their experiences and their motivations.
~LS~